of stars and love and everything inbetween

'Dear enemy...' update!

Fri, 16 May 2008 10:00:49 GMT

TITLE: Dear enemy...
LENGHT: part one | of probably three
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho (main), Jaejoong x unnamed girls, Yunho x unnamed girl
RATING: PG-13 for excessive use of 'bad words'
WARNING: language (Yunho's really angry with Jaejoong), humor may suck (like... really!)
GENRE: romance, angst, cheesines (oh, yes!), high-school drama and attempts at humor (*cough*)
FOR: lavenie_2619 who requested
THANKS TO: moon1084 for beta'ing (and yeah I'm verrrry thankful)
SUMMARY:
Jaejoong has always hated that Jung-kid. Since kindergarten probably although that bit may be his imagination. He doesn't know why but everything about Jung Yunho angers him. Maybe because he stole his girlfriend once in high-school or something. That's uncertain though... Maybe the two of them just don't get along...Would be a mircale if they did...

intro

PART ONE

Every new day brings a new disaster. That's not new to me. What's new to me though is that a special person sleeping in one room can multiply the disasters about four. This special person in my case is Kim Jaejoong, enemy number one and fucking sexy in everything he does. I know I shouldn't lust after the guy who is supposed to be my live-long enemy for ever and ever and ever but it's pretty hard, you know?
So the last three days I've agreed with myself that I don't hate his body but only hate the part of him I can't see. Means: His behavior, his view on life and his ability to make my life a living hell. Of course, without even noticing. Or so he says...
Honestly, I don't believe him. Can't be without noticing that he picked up my cell. I mean MY cell on MY bed and HE picks up the incoming calls? That's just so him. He doesn't care about my privacy at all. Or he doesn't want to. He does as he pleases and that's when I remember... other boys are pretty too PLUS they have a better personality than Kim Jaejoong.
But back to the call (MY call) he picked up. It was my father. Great, greater, JUST HORRIBLE!
As I came back to my room from researching at the library, I saw Jaejoon sitting on his bed, grinning at me like an idiot. Or as if he knew something that could possibly get me into trouble. And that's JUST what he did.
"Your father called and accidentally I picked up your cell. Thought it was mine...." he said, his grin remaining on his full lips.
"So what? Had fun talking to him?" I spat. He should talk to his own father and not misuse mine. Really... That guy... what was he thinking?
"Yeah I had an enlightening talk with him... You know what he asked me?" he asked. And the grin was still there. I wished a muscle-cramp on him.
"Am I psychic? Of course I don't know." I said, throwing my bag into the nearest corner. He was pissing me off with his I-know-everything attitude. Though I had (to my horror) found out that he wasn't as dumb as I had thought he was. He was pretty educated.
"He asked me if I was your new boyfriend. Now, Yunho. What does that mean? NEW boyfriend... You don't have to be psychic to get what that means..." I froze. He grinned.
He'd found out. Of all people he'd found out first. The person who'd most likely spread the news around the whole campus and eliminate all my hopes of making friends. Why him? Why Kim Jaejoong? This situation meant a social death and I could feel my hope of any future good times crumble underneath my fingertips.
I snapped my head back at him. His grin was gone and replaced by a surprised almost fearful expression. His eyes were glued to my face as if he expected me to give of a warning sign before strangling him to death.
"So... it's true?" he asked, voice small and bare of all confidence and I thought that I'd just given myself away. I could have pretended that my father only THOUGHT I was gay but I wasn't or that my father was just paranoid.
"Yes, it's true..." I said looking at him as his eyes widened and he started to fidget with the chains on his pants, nervously. "Disgusting, right?" I asked him and he cringed as if hit by a sharp object. And maybe I had hit the exact spot with my comment. He was disgusted and reluctant to admit it.
"Well then!" I spat. "I'll leave you alone then and wait until everyone knows! I'm sure you won't hesitate to let everyone know how disgusting it is to live in the same room as me! Thank you for fucking up my life!"
And with those words I grabbed my bag and left. Where to... I didn't know yet but it would have to be somewhere where I could cry on my own because I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I was so fucking screwed. And all because of that fucking Kim Jaejoong.

As he left the room obviously totally fed up with life my brain began to function properly again. The last thirty seconds had seemed to fly by in a blur and the only thing I got out of it was... Yunho was gay? The stuck-up loser was gay? That was... slightly amusing and slightly concerning.
No, not because I didn't want to be touched by him now as if he had some terrible illness (called homosexuality) that spread by touch and/or impure thoughts of the other. No, I was more shocked about the fact that I had not had the slightest clue than the fact that Yunho was actually... gay. I, myself, liked some pretty boy in my bed sometimes too so it shocked me even more. Wasn't there something like a gay-radar? I mean my really, really (he wears pink, tight pants) gay friend had something like that so why not me?
But then a thought hit me. What if... What if Jung Yunho was attracted to me or... more? Wait, that was obviously the thinking of a heterosexual guy, which I clearly wasn't.
Now, there was a much more important thing to think about. And that was of course... what I was going to do about my roommate who was probably locked in one of the dirty cubicles on the campus-toilet crying his eyes out. I would too... honestly. I'm not as cold-hearted as he thinks. Okay, so maybe it really wasn't that nice of me to pick a call from his dad but I swear I was too sleepy to even notice and besides I never would have even thought that Jung Yunho was gay. NEVER.
And before I noticed I was on my way to the nearby toilet, hair totally disheveled, looking like I'd just fallen out of bed, which I had. I just hoped none of my girlfriends saw me that way. I probably looked butt-ugly. Yes, I lacked confidence sometimes. I knew all those people fucking me thought I was the prettiest thing on earth but maybe that was just because they liked how I slept with them whenever they wanted.
Sometimes I dreamed of someone who would call me beautiful and mean it in every way possible. At the moment though... I felt horrible and horribly ugly. Slamming the door open I entered the toilet, startling a young-looking blond boy who was washing his hands.
"Get out!" I spat. The boy's eyes widened and he hurried out of the room without even drying his hands. I looked disastrous it seemed. And dangerous even. If I yelled for him to come out Yunho would probably be scared to death.
So I calmed myself by exhaling, inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, ten, nine, eight, seven... "Yunho?"
"What?" I heard a muffled voice from the last stall right at the wall in the back. My feet took me there so quick it almost scared me and before I knew it I leaned against the door of his stall with my back.
"I won't tell anyone, you know?" Scrambling of clothes. A disbelieving huff. "Okay, then I'll tell you a secret so you have something you can use against me. If you use it against me I'll use THIS against you, alright?"
"It can't possibly be worse than this." I heard him say, voice broken. He had probably been crying.
"It's as bad." He huffed again. Didn't belive me... Yes, he was the only miserable person here. Alright. Wallow in self-pity... "You're not the only one here who likes men, okay?"
Silence followed. And then... It sounded like he fell from the toilet. A 'Crash', a 'Bang' and a few 'Owww's later he opened the door and almost knocked into me. Almost. I must've been a ninja in my past life what with my skill to turn around quick enough.
"WHAT?" He asked/yelled in my face. God...
"I said..." I repeat loud and clearly so even he can understand just what the hell I'm just admitting. "You're not the only one here who likes men, honey."
"B...b...b...but the girls... you... they... What?" Loud and clearly didn't seem to work. This guy had damaged his brain by falling off the toilet. So I had to enlighten him.
"It's called bisexuality. I like both girls and boys. Understood?" As an afterthought I added: "For a gay guy you're not very open-minded..." He huffed. One of his favorite answers to almost everything it seemed.
"Let's get going. I mean the public bathroom isn't one of my favorite places to be and I seriously don't want to catch any illnesses here. Besides... I look horrible."
Yunho looked at me through the bangs of his hair and said something I didn't really expect from someone like the guy who hates me from the beginning until the end of his life. He said the most ridiculous thing in the whole fucking world.
"I think you're pretty..." A guy who claims he will hate you until he dies shouldn't say such things! But there was something even more ridiculous than that. I BLUSHED! I...blushed. Yes, me. I can blush but it's not as if I'd blush just because this guy said I'm pretty. So I hit him. Hard on the shoulder.
"Just because you know I'm into men doesn't mean I'm into your type, alrigh? So stop flirting!"
His eyes widened and he hurried to the sink to wash his hands. For whatever reason... Maybe it was a reflex that you washed your hands after leaving the restroom?
"But I really think you're pretty. Aside from your horrible personality you're quite the looker." He would soon have a black eye if he didn't stop. NOW. "Your personality is like... Are you the devil?" Okay, if you can't hear you have to feel it.

a/n
so... how is it? I feel this fic to be better than the weird thing I wrote in my life upsie down. Thank God...
I wanted to post it up yesterday but I didn't because the last paragraphs weren't written yet. Now... I think it's become well-rounded.
Next up will be smut (if I can get into the mood) for pitchblack_93 with pole-dancing and stuff... so look forward to it.
*hugs*

and oh yeah... COMMENTS MAKE ME HAPPY! and you only have to type about three words... can't be that hard...

[FIC] My life upside down CH. 2

Wed, 14 May 2008 14:02:04 GMT

TITLE: My life upside down
LENGHT: chaptered | don't know about the number of chapters yet
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho
RATING: PG this part
WARNING: m-preg (don't like, don't read!), cheesines, angst
GENRE: romance, angst, m-preg, humor (a little...)
FOR: kattan69 who requested it
THANKS TO: moon1084 for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
Jaejoong is a single father whose life is devoted to his 6-year old son Donghoon, a kid too smart for his age but oh-so-loveable. He has a nice job (because his boss likes him a little too much), a nice apartment and great friends. Everything seems perfect, if a little stressful...
But what happens when the father of the kid comes back into the picture after many years and claims Jaejoong and Donghoon his?

chapter 1

CHAPTER 2

He still remembered the time when everything seemed so easy and there was nothing to worry about. And really... Jaejoong had lived with his parents in the big house with a garden and Mommy and Daddy were so proud of him. He thought of the time with Yunho...
Thought of first kisses and first awkward touches. Thought of wild, loud partys and the quiet breath of his lover beside him. Thought of booming chaos and the peacefulness that followed. Yunho had been his first love...
After Donghoon had went to bed Jaejoong had opened the door once more and found a piece of paper with a cell number on it. He'd disposed it into the trash...
And he'd gotten it back immideatly. Now the piece of crumpled paper lay on his nightstand and Jaejoong stared at it. Donghoon was snoring in the room beside his and he could hear him through the open door.
Yunho's sudden appearance in his door frame made him think about things he didn't want to think about. It was too painful...
The first time he'd met Yunho had been at a party of his friend. Yunho had always been one of the more quiet ones while Jaejoong liked to have fun and somtimes went overboard. Somehow that seemed to fit though... At first Jaejoong couldn't stand Yunho and Yunho was pretty indifferent about Jaejoong but after some time they found out that they had something in common.
Jaejoong was gay. And Yunho was too. Considering the fact that being gay in high school is one of the worst things that can happen to a fifteen year old boy it was almost inevitable that the two of them became friends. And friends do everything together.
Eventually Yunho became a lot like Jaejoong. Because Jaejoong had that effect on people. To Yunho Jaejoong was a mystery he wanted to solve and to Jaejoong Yunho was a guy who he wanted to enjoy life. The two friends had a lot of first times with each other. First love, first kiss, first date, first relationship, first sex and first child.
Though it was a bit until that happened. They were sixteen and they liked to have fun. Jaejoong and Yunho drove around town, partied, had sex in shabby, locked rooms and it was just great. They loved each other to bits and pieces and it seemed like noone would be able to sperate them.
But there was one person who could. And that person wasn't even a person literally. An unborn child and a doctor who dicovered it in Jaejoong by accident. Jaejoong's parents, who seemed to have a little brain left after the shock of their SON having a baby, tried their best to get the best medical scientists in the world to research the field of male pregnancy. Of course they agreed. It wasn't everyday you saw something like Jaejoong. Yes, someTHING. Jaejoong felt like a thing running through endless tests.
There was another problem with the child. Everyone wanted to know who had been the second part of this. But Jaejoong wouldn't speak it was bad enough that he was pregnant. No need to admit that he was gay now. He was on the safe side as long as none of the researchers found out what exactly had been going on. Noone could get what was going on anyways. Even the researchers didn't. There was no medical explaination of male pregnancy so all they could come up with was "God seems to be on crack...". At least that was something that Jaejoong heard one of them say on his way home. And that was an explanation good enough for him. It was all God's fault.
And somehow that helped not to feel like a weird monster or a mutant. Well he did feel weird and he was kind of depressed to be such a weird creature but that only until the child made its presence known through kicking and those things unborn children do. This wasn't just about him it was about his son, too. (Yeah, identifying the gender was the only thing those researchers could do.) And it was about Yunho who he was sure was utterly confused by his sudden disappearence from the face of the world.
So Jaejoong went to Yunho's house to tell him about everything. He was sure Yunho loved him enough to accept a child and that Jaejoong wasn't quite normal. Thinking back all Jaejoong could do was hit himself in the head for being so stupid, thinking anyone could accept a pregnant man. Not only that but a seventeen year old pregnant man. Yunho obviously couldn't.
All Yunho did was throw him an angry glare and yell at him for being the biggest liar in the world and how could he lie to him like that. Jaejoong didn't even get the chance to mutter a word before the door was slammed and he was standing in the cold crying like a little boy.
He tried to reach Yunho about six times after that and always it would end with a crying Jaejoong. Soon after giving up the idea of having a child with Yunho, Donghoon was born. He was healthy and normal. As normal as every other child and noone could say why. It wasn't such a hard birth since Jaejoong was drugged and he didn't have to do much except for taking Donghoon into his arms.
But Yunho had not been there. And he had not been there the years after either. When Jaejoong was kicked out of his parent's house at the age of eighteen Yunho had not been there. When he found his first apartment he had not been there. At Donghoon's first day in kindergarten he had not been there. He had not been there. He had never been there for anyone.
And now it was definitively too late to make ones appearence. Jaejoong felt a tear run down his cheek. Who the hell was this fucking Yunho that he made him cry like that. He had a nice apartment, a nice job and a potential lover, who was good-loking and fucking wealthy. Yunho wasn't needed anymore. Yunho could just go and die and Jaejoong wouldn't care one bit. Because Jung Yunho wasn't worthy of being cared for by him.
Jaejoong dried his eyes with the sheets and made a note in his head to throw away the little piece of paper with Yunho's number on it. He didn't need it.

The next day was slightly chaotic. Jaejoong didn't wake the right time and breakfast had to be thrown down in haste while Donghoon babbled weird things in his half-asleep state. And that was how he came late for work. Again... The second time in a row. He ran to his desk only to find his boss sit on top of the table top. He was so screwed.
"Morning..." he said, standing in the doorway like he didn't know what to do. And he didn't.
"Good Morning, Jaejoong." Katsurou said, getting of the table. "You're late..."
"I know... I'm sorry I overslept." Jaejoong said, trying to look innocent and cute. It didn't work.
"I know you have a son and it's probably hard jugling this job and driving him to school and stuff but it's not okay to be late every other day. You understand that, right?"
Jaejoong only nodded. Of course he knew and he felt bad about it. It wasn't to be always let off the hook. He had to take the consequences now.
"It can't go on that way..." Katsurou said and Jaejoong felt a knot forming in his chest. Would he be fired?
"That's why I decided to make you come later and let you work until later. Only if you're okay with that of course. I just thought that it might relieve you a bit."
"Ummm..." Jaejoong stared. What the hell? He hadn't excepted that at all. "It'd really relieve me. Umm... Thank you..."
A blush formed on his boss' cheeks and Jaejoong almost sqealed out loud. That was too cute. Maybe not as cute as Donghoon smearing his bread all over himself but close to it.
Silence stretched between the two, Jaejoong still standing in the doorway like a statue. "Uhm... so... about us meeting aside from work. I mean our uhm... yeah. You know, did you think of a day and time or something?"
Katsurous gaze shot up to Jaejoong's face. "Yes, well I thought we would coordinate something since I work a lot and you have your son, right?"
"Good idea. Well I can always force someone to babysit." Jaejoong grinned. And he didn't even have to force Yoochun or Junsu since they both loved Donghoon. Unlike Yunho... Pfft...
"Oh then how about... friday evening?"
"That would be okay for me. I guess... I'll inform you once I know." Jaejoong smiled at him and they both said bye to each other.
It was a birlliant day with sunshine through the rain and a happy Donghoon at school getting an A in math. (Jaejoong had never been able to do math so that probably was Yunho's side.) Jaejoong was so proud he told everyone (much to the dismay of Donghoon who thought all the attention was kind of embarrassing.
When Jaejoong got home he was to busy cooking and doing laundry that he forgot the phone-number sitting on his nightstand. He noticed it after giving Donghoon a good-night kiss.
That evening Jaejoong called Yunho.

a/n
to my beta moon1084: Would you still beta my stories after that long hiatus? I'd send it to you right away so you can check it.
to my readers: I'm sorry for the long delay especially to kattan69 and the others who requested. This time I hit myself and wrote something. I really don't like it and am pondering whether to rewrite it or not but I wanted to show that I still live.
And I'm still writing. Thanks to all those who waited patiently for me to kick myself in the ass. Tjoa...

Comment when you read please or I'll seriously hang myself. Not getting comments is really depressing and it really influences if I write or not... I noticed.

to all those commenting: THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I'm alive!!!!

Sat, 10 May 2008 22:13:33 GMT

Just some... fic-ish things to destroy my writer's block...

"Girlfriends"
Jaechun
pg-13
not even one-shot length
here

"Blue Skies"
Jaechun inside 'the boy with the dead dog'-world
pg-13 i guess
not really one-shot length
here

My writer's block still isn't over but I'm trying hard and for now I'll try writing random prompts without any real sense and wish that someday mabe I'll be able to write more than just a few hundred words.

I'm so really sorry!!! T_T

I'm not dead (yet)

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 22:32:51 GMT

so maybe people are wondering... where the fuck did she go?
I'm not dead... I'm still here! :D
but... I'm suffering form a major writer's block... have to relieve some stress I think...
so... this is an update-post xD

For you to see how I'm doing with all my fics at the moment... and of course...

WHAT I am going to write next!

so here you go...

next up is...

TITLE: Dear enemy...
LENGHT: two-shot (?)
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho (main), Jaejoong x unnamed girls, Yunho x unnamed girl
RATING: PG-13 for excessive use of 'bad words'
WARNING: language (Yunho's really angry with Jaejoong), humor may suck (like... really!)
GENRE: romance, angst, cheesines (oh, yes!), high-school drama and attempts at humor (*cough*)
FOR:
SUMMARY:
Jaejoong has always hated that Jung-kid. Since kindergarten probably although that bit may be his imagination. He doesn't know why but everything about Jung Yunho angers him. Maybe because he stole his girlfriend once in high-school or something. That's uncertain though... Maybe the two of them just don't get along...Would be a mircale if they did...

part two: in progress (60% written)

then...

TITLE: My life upside down
LENGHT: chaptered | don't know about the number of chapters yet
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho
RATING: PG this part
WARNING: m-preg (don't like, don't read!), cheesines, angst
GENRE: romance, angst, m-preg, humor (a little...)
FOR: kattan69 who requested it
THANKS TO: moon1084 for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
Jaejoong is a single father whose life is devoted to his 6-year old son Donghoon, a kid too smart for his age but oh-so-loveable. He has a nice job (because his boss likes him a little too much), a nice apartment and great friends. Everything seems perfect, if a little stressful...
But what happens when the father of the kid comes back into the picture after many years and claims Jaejoong and Donghoon his?

chapter two: in progress (10% written)

or

TITLE: a whole new experience
LENGHT: one-shot
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho
RATING: NC-17
WARNING: pure smut...
GENRE: pure smut
FOR: pitchblack_93 who requested it
SUMMARY:
Yoochun thought that he was the funniest guy in the world when he got Yunho a pole dancing lesson for his birthday. Although Yunho of course really, really, really isn't that kind of person who would go (No, he isn't...really!) He of goes and discovers things he didn't expect about himself and a few other things in life.

one-shot: in progress (5-10% written)

and now for the fics I still have to write and WILL write

"Taming the shrew" for chloe1910
"Jealousy" for luvkangta
"Tracking your X Boyfriend" for kiboushinjitsu
"untitled yet" for milolita
"untitled yet" for kurogama

and a thing I've been working on for quite some time and am half-way through is...

"The boy with the..." series (character-developing biography for "the boy with the dead dog")

#1 "The boy with the dead angel" (Yoochun)
#2 "The boy with the broken body" (Changmin)
#3 "The boy with the sad smile" (Junsu)
#4 "The boy with the..." not decided yet (Yunho)
#5 "The boy with the kitty" (all of them)

I'll post the whole series in one go (so I'll write it first)

sorry to all those who are waiting for the continuing of their requests...(or beginning to write *cough*)T_T
I'M HORRIBLE!

*dead*

[FIC] My life upside down [for kattan69]

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 15:43:13 GMT

TITLE: My life upside down
LENGHT: chaptered | don't know about the number of chapters yet
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho
RATING: PG this part
WARNING: m-preg (don't like, don't read!), cheesines, angst
GENRE: romance, angst, m-preg, humor (a little...)
FOR: kattan69 who requested it
THANKS TO: moon1084 for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
Jaejoong is a single father whose life is devoted to his 6-year old son Donghoon, a kid too smart for his age but oh-so-loveable. He has a nice job (because his boss likes him a little too much), a nice apartment and great friends. Everything seems perfect, if a little stressful...
But what happens when the father of the kid comes back into the picture after many years and claims Jaejoong and Donghoon his?

Chapter 1

It was just an ordinary day. A day like every other day in the life of a little boy and his father.
Kim Jaejoong woke up early to the chirruping sound of his alarm clock. He had chosen the sound of early birds so his son wouldn't wake up from it. It was best if Donghoon slept a little more. He was after all, only six and the extra sleep would help his frail health.
So while Donghoon slept peacefully wrapped in his megaman-bedding, Jaejoong jumped around the kitchen to prepare breakfast for his little boy. A good and healthy breakfast for his son. Donghoon had always been a kid with a frail health. He'd always been the first to catch a cold and be absent from kindergarten. But all that didn't seem so bad when his Jaejoong took a leave from work and spend his whole day with Donghoon to cheer him up.
Smiling to himself, Jaejoong thought about all the days he'd spent with Donghoon and send a thanks to the Gods for giving him a face like the one he had, that made his boss fall in love with him and let him take so many days off. Yes, he liked his face. There had been days when he'd hated it (after his boyfriend left him for no reason for example) but as time went by he had learned to appreciate and use his own beauty.
His life wasn't really all that bad. Of course... single parents never had an easy life but Jaejoong was okay with dedicating his whole life to Donghoon. At least most of the time...
And when a time came where he just wanted to escape and dance the night away he would just call his best friends Junsu, Yoochun and Changmin. One of them would baby-sit while the other two went dancing with him. And then he could relieve stress by dancing and sometimes he got to know nice guys he would follow home. And it was okay that way...
Jaejoong went to Donghoon's room and peeked in. His son was cuddled into the much too big bedding, only his ruffled hair visible over the stuffed toys and bedding. The pale man with his obsidian-eyes moved to the bed and kneeled beside it. "Honey..." he said, voice low. "Time to get up." and kissed his son on the cheek before going to the window, opening the curtains to let the dim sunlight in. Donghoon moved on his bed but didn't say a word. Jaejoong already knew his son was not a morning person so he left the room and let the door stay open.
Donghoon would need another ten minutes to come stalking into the kitchen clad in his pajamas. Until then Jaejoong had time to study the newspaper a bit and munch on his everyday-cornflakes.
His boss had been pushy the last days and Jaejoong could totally understand him. He'd received all the benefits without ever giving anything back yet. And maybe it was time to finally give something back. His boss was not a bad guy after all and he wasn't bad looking either. He was sexy... in a boring way. But maybe Jaejoong could help him get more interesting. And it wasn't as if Jaejoong had ever seen his boss in anything than a suit. Maybe his style in his personal life was really...kinda... better?
Jaejoong sighed. But what if Donghoon didn't like him. A guy his son didn't like wasn't acceptable. And what if Donghoon got problems in school because of his father dating a man. Homosexuality wasn't commonly accepted after all.
A mumbled 'Monin...' made all thoughts fly away. He had to care for Donghoon now. "Morning, honey." He smiled a warm smile matching his honey-blond hair. Donghoon smiled back, showing all his teeth and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked adorable, Jaejoong decided. But he wouldn't tell Donghoon about his thoughts. Donghoon hated to be called cute. 'I'm not a girl!' was what he always said.
Well, Jaejoong hated to be called cute too so he could relate. "Are you thinking again?" Donghoon asked, or more... mumbled into his non-existant beard. Yes, Donghoon could read his father like a book. And other people too. The girl at the supermarket, his teacher, the neighbor, the neighbor's daughter... roughly everyone. And he was a smart kid, so he used his ability to his advantage.
"Ah, I was just thinking about work..." Jaejoong said and smiled at his son. Then he placed the breakfast in front of Donghoon's face and his smile widened. "Let's not talk about work while having breakfast, okay?"

After Jaejoong had forced his son to wash up and brush his teeth, he'd brought him to school. Because of the endless talking to Donghoon, he was now too late for work... again. He knew he wouldn't get into trouble with his boss but it made him angry with himself. He couldn't and wouldn't always rely on that guy.
He went to his boss' office, nervously fixing his hair in the windows to his left and right. He looked horrible, he thought. The honey-blond hair was messy and a little too long. Especially for an office-job...
Jaejoong knocked on the door waiting for a word to come in. All he could hear was the ringing of phone's everywhere and the sound of fingers hitting the keys to write down another name or another number. This was Jaejoong's work-place. It was not his dream-job but he got paid enough to care for himself and Donghoon. Besides... his boss seemed to like him and that was always a good thing. Although he sometimes felt guilty for using that man.
He stepped into the big office smiling at the man sitting at the desk. He looked good. His skin practically glowed in the dim sunlight of the morning. His black hair seemed to absorb the sun though and contrasted with the man's skin prettily. He was older than Jaejoong. One could see that. But thirty-two and twenty-four didn't leave such a big gap .
Going out with Sawamoto Katsurou of 'Sawamoto & Partners' was not a bad idea it seemed. But of course Jaejoong was not shallow enough just to go for a good-looking, rich guy. No, Katsurou (or Katsu as people called him) made everyone laugh and he was really nice. He was not bad... really not bad.
"Oh Jaejoong. Have a seat." He motioned to the chair across from him and smiled at the honey-blond man. "So... what brings you here to my office?"
Jaejoong sat down on the big chair. He wasn't feeling all too well. Partly because he didn't really know what he wanted and partly because he had an idea what it could be. But was he really going to ask his boss for a date? And at work... of all places.
"Uhm..." He started. "I wanted to ask if you want to... go out and do something together... uhm... sometime? I mean... yeah, I don't know what I mean... Just... Since you asked so many times... Consider yourself uhm... or well your offer... accepted, m'kay?" Jaejoong wanted to hit himself.

Jaejong came home to Junsu and Donghoon playing games (and Junsu losing every single on of them). Junsu loved Donghoon and he took every chance he got to babysit the little boy. Of course Donghoon loved Junsu's childish ways just as much as Junsu loved him. So when Jaejoong came home love was in the air.
He felt it, dancing into the living room and kissing both Junsu and Donghoon (who said 'Ewww' because noone needed to know he liked it). Junsu just shot him a weird glance.
"Why are you so happy?" he asked while moving his knight on the chess board. He would surely lose again. Donghoon was an ace at playing chess. He was almost frighteningly good for a six year old.
"I have a date." Jaejoong grinned dancing around some more. Yes, his boss had said (or stammered) 'Y-y-yes...' and they'd both been much too excited to pick a day or time or anything yet. But that would come after he and his boss had stopped to dance around each other with silly grins on their faces.
Junsu's mouth dropped open. "WHAT?" he exclaimed, mind leaving the chess game for the first time that evening. Donghoon of course used that to his advantage, strategically moving the queen.
While Junsu still stared at Jaejoong who was grinning like a fool, he tapped Junsu on the arm and said "Checkmate..." grinning just as silly as his father. Junsu groaned, throwing his arms up in defeat.
But before he could blame Jaejoong of distracting him, the doorbell rang and Jaejoong hurried off to open the door. Maybe it was Katsu and... No, he surely wouldn't come by this late... but who could it be? Yoochun or Changmin?
As Jaejoong opened the door, he froze. In front of him stood the man that had left him roughly seven years ago for god know what. Left him with an unborn child on the remnants of a happy family. In front of him stood the guy who was the cause of all the bad changes in Jaejoong's life. In front of him stood Jung Yunho, the guy who had impregnated him. Donghoon's (second) father.
"Jaejoong?" Yunho asked, eyes wide drinking in the picture of a healthy man. Jaejoong looked fabulous. Even more fabulous than he looked as Yunho and him had hung around town and partied all night. It was a shock. Surely Yunho had not expected Jaejoong to live that nice and look that nice. He would have thought that he struggled with his son. The son he, Jung Yunho, had not cared about for the last years.
The son that now came stalking behind Jaejoong taking his hand, shaking it and Jaejoong out of his dumfoundedness.
"Daddy, Junsu doesn't want to play another game but I want to. Can't you force him? He's such a sore loser..." Donghoon made puppy dog eyes at his father who knelt down in fron of him, hiding him from Yunho's view. It was best if the asshole didn't see his son, he thought. "Let him win once, okay? He'll play another game with you then, honey..." he said. Junsu would of course tease the hell out of Donghoon but that would only last until Donghoon won again. "Now, go play. Daddy has to talk to..." he shot Yunho a glance. "...that stranger..."
As Donghoon ran back, smiling, Yunho felt a pang in his heart. That was his son? He seemed so lively and... Why did he abandon him and Jaejoong? They both seemed wonderful to his eyes. But wasn't that why he had come back? To make up for lost time and finally care for his little family?
Jaejoong didn't seem to think so. He looked at Yunho as if he was the lowest creature in the world. "Get lost, Yunho." he said. "Leave before I make you." and with those words he slammed the door shut.

a/n
after a horrible (HORRIBLE) writer's block here comes the first chapter of the second requested fic~
I hope you like it kattan69 <3
I think the next thing I'll write is the pole-dancing fic and then I'll write the next part of 'Dear enemy...' so much to do @_@ xD
But I think it's good for me...
oh yeah chapter isn't beta'ed yet but I thought I'd not make you wait too much...
I'll replace the text with the beta'ed text right after my beta has send it to me~ ^__^ thank you, fastest beta in the world xD

please comment if you read~
thanks!

yupp that's a counter... I want to know how many people read my fic ^__^

Dear enemy... [intro] for lavenie_2619

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:06:28 GMT

TITLE: Dear enemy...
LENGHT: two-shot (?)
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho (main), Jaejoong x unnamed girls, Yunho x unnamed girl
RATING: PG-13 for excessive use of 'bad words'
WARNING: language (Yunho's really angry with Jaejoong), humor may suck (like... really!)
GENRE: romance, angst, cheesines (oh, yes!), high-school drama and attempts at humor (*cough*)
THANKS TO: here should be the name of my beta but I don't have one at the moment...
SUMMARY:
Jaejoong has always hated that Jung-kid. Since kindergarten probably although that bit may be his imagination. He doesn't know why but everything about Jung Yunho angers him. Maybe because he stole his girlfriend once in high-school or something. That's uncertain though... Maybe the two of them just don't get along...Would be a mircale if they did...

I hate that kid... I hate all about him. I hate his silly grin, his friends and the teachers who like that bastard. I hate him from head to toe. From those firy red lips to his weird shoes. Really weird shoes... Really, really weird shoes. Oh, yes I hate that guy's fashion-sense...
And what I hate the most about Kim Jaejoong is that he seems to make every fucking girl in school fall head over heels for him. With his looks of course... I doubt Jaejoong has even the slightest bit of brain that is not occupied with girls and well... weird fashion. His marks seem to speak another language but who the fuck said that having great marks meant people were intelligent.
Well, if that was the case then I would be the next Einstein because although I won't brag about it my marks are quite good. Better than that guy's at least and that's enough. You may say I'm a little obsessed with hating him but then I'd say everyone has something he's fanatic about. And instead of traveling after some rock-band to visit every single one of their concerts my live evolves around hating Kim Jaejoong.
And that's not bad. It isn't. He hates me just as much. I know that. I know that he's just as fanatic about me as I'm about him. We're like... eternal enemies. We'll hate each other until we die.
And there he comes stalked on his long legs clad in weird black denim and what are those chains for, huh? To play with? Well, his look says 'Play with me...' though and I can't stand it. And there's this really pretty girl hanging at his arm. Like... she's an angel in mini-skirt and fuck! I can see too much of her creamy skin. But I know... for him she's just another bitch to play with. Doesn't need his chains, that guy.
He's the one ruining the reputation of the whole school. Or at least the boys at this school. Yup, you heard right. The boys at SM High are known for being players just because of him. I don't know how they could assume that just because of that one guy (and well, maybe a few of his friends). Seems like he left quite the impression.
He throws me a cold glare and his obsidian-eyes bore into mine. I don't care. Others would probably run away but I know all his angry stares are just empty threats. He wouldn't ever do something to me. Violence isn't part of our hate-relationship.
I hope he doesn't get a dorm room near me. Who knows what I'd have to endure... I really don't want to think about that. Yes, this is my first day at campus and it's only... how do you call it? Info-day...
A bald, old man appears on stage and grabs the microphone, only to make screeching noise with it. If he can't handle it properly he should practice beforehand.... Then he clears his throat and begins his speech of why and when and where we are. A few rules that I kindly overhear and then he comes to the crucial points.
Like what professors will be teaching in our courses and of course were we're going to sleep...
"All the informations regarding you and you only are to be found on the papers the university send you. If you take a look at the second page you'll see who you'll be paired up with regarding dorm rooms and where your dorm room is. I guess everyone of you will find your way around campus pretty soon. That's it for now... Thank you for listening."
The whole hall is filled with the sound of hands clapping against hands and shuffling papers. That's when I decide to take a look at the second page. Ah there... The one I'm sharing my room is... Kim Jaejoong.
And wide eyes meet wide eyes over heads of the crowd. That can't be... It can't...be...

"So who's leaving?" he asks. Well, he should know it won't be me. I'll sleep in a warm and soft bed tonight. And he will have to sleep on a bench in the park. This Yunho... sitting on the bed as if he owns it with his weird hair and his weird face. I'd punch him if only my girl wasn't with me. She can't take violence and I won't risk not having a warm body beside me tonight. Okay, mabe that sounds harsh but... I'm only 19 so it's perfectly fine to have lots of short relationship. One should enjoy their youth...
"You of course... Your hard head won't be damaged by a night on the park bench, or would it?" He raises and eyebrow at me and it looks stupidly cute. Unfortunately that guy can't pull of cute... He can't pull of anything. He's so boring... His fashion-sense... It's boring. His hair-color...It's boring. He's the most boring person I've ever met and yet I'm totally in love with hating him... "Besides I'm too pretty to sleep outside, you know?"
My girl giggles beside me and I can tell she thinks I'm the coolest guy on earth. I'm not but at least I'm cooler than that boring Jung-kid with his boring looks and boring morals. He chuckles. "You and pretty? I think you look funny..." he says and I glare at him with all my might. I know this game... I've played it dozens of times. He bores his chocolate-brown eyes into mine and I feel my heart thump in my chest. I won't give in though...
"Oh? And I think I look interesting while you..." I point at his weird brownish shirt that reveals some of his soft, sun-kissed skin. "...look boring."
"Well if not wearing wacky and whore-ish clothes means boring to you than I'm probably boring." He snorts and points at my low-riding black pants. So what if I like to show of my body? It's not as if I couldn't wear it... He could wear it too but he wouldn't look as good as me in those clothes. He doesn't have the attitude...
"Whore-ish, huh? Jealous you don't have the body to wear it? You probably have man-boobs under your shirt..." I say and my girl giggles again, shuffling closer to me and pressing her boobs against my arm in the process. Can't he just go away... Jung-kid is really... getting on my nerves now.
"Okay, let's get back to topic..." he says and I'm thankful for that. "You sleep outside I sleep inside." Hah! No, I won't... I have a willing girl in my arms there's really no way I'm doing her outside. He can bet on that...

So here I am... Waiting outside my own dorm-room for my live-long rival and enemy to finish... sleeping with that pretty girl. I always knew he was shameless but starting to undress her in front of me is really fucking shameless. Even for a guy like him... I had to escape her needy whimpers and well her creamy skin.
Seems she wasn't an angel... More the devil-type probably....I know he'd probably have stopped if I wouldn't have left the room but I did so now he can have his way with that girl. I'm really angry. Seems like my whole body burns from the inside and damn! I want to hit him so bad.
For treating girls like toys, for throwing me out of my own dorm-room and for being so bratty and selfish and foolish and self-centered. Goddamn Kim Jaejoong. I hate him. I hate hate hate him so much.
I lean against the door with my back and sigh. I'll sleep in this bed tonight. He can do what he wants... I just don't want to see... that. And I thought everything would be fine now that I'm away from home and my father can't reach me anymore. Pulling up my sleeve I take a look at the purple bruise he left on my arm as a farewell. Said I would think about him... And now I do it... And all that because of Kim Jaejoong.
The noise from inside the room gets louder and now I can make out his moans. I don't know why I hear them over the much louder girl... I just do... Maybe it's because it reminds me of my porns... Gay porn but noone has to know that. So what if I'm gay... As long as noone notices it's perfectly fine. I know my father knows... Maybe that's why he hits me sometimes... I don't know.
After reaching their peak the sounds die of and I swing the door open to reveal a breath-less Jaejoong lying on his bed with his blond hair sticking to the skin in his neck and wow! he looks... I stare as the girl throws on her clothes and leaves.
"What's up?" he asks and lifts an eyebrow. "Shocked?" I am but not about the fact that he did it and still seems pretty unfazed by my intrusion but about the fact that I'm getting turned on by his firy red lips. The lips I always hated... He lights a cigarette and I have to turn my gaze from his lips because they are so tempting.
What's happening here?

a/n
I decided to write some kind of introduction (not prologue because that would mean I'd write at least 5 chapters... at least for me... I know I'm weird)
Although this intro is as long as my average full chapter...
Oh yeah, it's written for lavenie_2619... but I'm pretty sure this is not what you imagined... I'm on something that makes me write all those words and... I don't know why *frustrated*
The problems will come in the next part... I'm still staying with your plot, dear ^__^
and I need a BETA for my jaeho-fics! GAAAH! *more frustration*

anyways... enjoy and comment if you read! *bows*

the boy with the dead dog.| Epilogue

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 07:06:10 GMT

the boy with the dead dog. | CH. 6 | LAST CHAPTER!

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 08:30:43 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | chapter 6 of 6 [FINAL!]
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), mentions of Yoosu, mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: PG-NC-17
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
THANKS TO: narcolept_smurf for beta'ing | but this chapter isn't beta'ed since she has some problems with her internet-connection
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

||prologue||
||chapter 1|| <--NC-17
||chapter 2||
||chapter 3||
||chapter 4||<--NC-17
||chapter 5||<--NC-17

WARNING!
Before you read I'll warn you that there'll be gore in this chapter (if that's the right word... sometimes it sucks not to have english as your fist language *coughs*)
but you've been warned although I think it probably won't stop you from reading (besides it really isn't that bad...)

WARNING!
Before you read I'll warn you that there'll be gore in this chapter (if that's the right word... sometimes it sucks not to have english as your fist language *coughs*)
but you've been warned although I think it probably won't stop you from reading (besides it really isn't that bad...)

Chapter 6

The old man called me. He called me. Maybe he just had too much to do to call his favorite callboy. Maybe he was just having a hard time with Cruela Devil as Changmin called her. Could be, right?
To be honest after the mind blowing sex with Yunho a few days ago I felt even worse than before. Maybe that was caused by him dozing off right after it or maybe by Yoochun cuddling to a giddy Junsu on the couch. I even heard him say 'I love you, Susu'.
Yeah, Yoochun. Master of Cheese. Love is an overrated word...
But I'm happy for him. This Junsu-guy seems okay although I have to say that his smile has the same effect on me as Yoochun's colorful cornflakes. It frustrates me...
And the weather is frustrating, too. It's cold and rainy... It doesn't rain all the time but when it rains it rains heavy. The front door isn't locked but I'm used to that. The old man has people sliding in and out of his building all the time and I don't bother to point out that it is a chance for thieves. He would just say that thieves wouldn't suspect the door of a mansion filled with expensive things unlocked. And maybe he's right.
And on cold days like this one I'm happy that I can just slip into the warmth without waiting at the door for hours. Yes, I like the old man. I wonder if Changmin is home though... I don't want to but I hope he is somewhere near. I don't even know why I hope that... I don't want to hope that.
The door to the bed room is open, too. He's probably already waiting for me inside. And maybe the kitty too.
But there is no kitty in the bedroom. Just trash... Human trash... and blood... so much blood.
Everything's red. The bedding's are soaked with the red liquid. Is this some kind of joke?
All I can do is stare at the old man's dead body, lifeless, cut open. I can see his flesh... And tears begin to form in my eyes. He looks like a pig... like a slaughtered pig. Like the ones you see on TV... only different because he's human. He doesn't look like one. He looks like a cut open piece of meat and I can feel my heart beating rapidly against my rib-cage.
Cold sweat on my forehead and hands and tears on my cheeks.
Still, I can't move, can't scream and can't stop to stare either. In a perverted way the dead, naked body fascinates me. How short a human life is and... why? Why is he dead? He can't be dead...
The tears begin to cloud my view and I clasp my hand over my mouth to stop myself from sobbing. I don't feel anything... but I cry and I sob, murmuring 'Ohmygodohmygodohmygod'. It's like I'm so far away from my body...
He's so open and exposed how he lies there... cut open and naked. It's like his soul is spilling onto the bed sheets and not his blood. He's even more disgusting then everything I've ever seen in the streets while selling my body.
When has this happened? Just now? And where's the kitty? Where's Changmin? He can't be dead too, can he? He can't...
I just stare while my body sinks to the floor, boneless, bare of any strength. And then the kitty comes in. Changmin comes in and sees the slaughtered old man.
I didn't want him to see that. I don't want anyone to see something this cruel.
The moment he sees the old man he begins to cry but not as hard as I did. It almost seems as if he just can't believe. It seems as if he is too shocked to comprehend anything at all. His tears are silent tears but nonetheless they make me snap out of my daze and call out for help before I go over to the kitty, still with my heart beating too fast.
I stroke his hair with my damp hands. I notice that he trembles and then I notice that I tremble, too.
He doesn't say a word though. Just cries.
It's only when some officers come to take us to the police station that he finally realizes what has happened. And then I'm there to take him into my arms and stroke his back while he sobs against my chest. Other than that... I don't know what to do. This is all a little too much for me and it's too fast. Just the other day he called me and then all of a sudden he's dead...
He's really dead... You can't change that anymore... This thought clears my mind a bit. But clearing my mind also leads me to a question...
Are we going to be interrogated as suspects or witnesses?

Obviously I'm interrogated as a suspect. How I know that? Well... you don't make traumatized witnesses sit in a stale white room only furnished by one single table and a few chairs. No, I'm clearly a suspect here and I know that although no one has asked me anything yet. I don't know about Changmin though... They separated us the moment we stepped in the building.
There's only a guy standing in the corner seemingly to assure that I don't run away... But no one to ask me questions. I want this to be over... What if they suspect the poor, little call-boy who doesn't have money and... I mean call-boys are always suspected first... And after that... the lovers...
Maybe Changmin is interrogated just like I am... He's probably having the shock of his life and speaking of that I wonder why I can be so calm about it... I look at the big mirror on the wall... yeah right... mirror... and now I really feel like a fucking criminal. What is this? Are they trying to wear me down?
I fucking hate the police... I hate them
"Mr. Kim?" A voice sends me to the normal world again. "Mr. Kim Jaejoong, right?" I look to the door and see a nervous boy standing there with a clip-board in his hand. He has dark hair and eyes and he kind of reminds me of someone... Maybe someone I knew from the street... He definitely looks pretty enough to sell his body. But then again... Why should he work for the police then?
"Yeah, that's me..." I say and try not to sound relieved. At last someone to talk to. "Why am I still waiting here? Am I a suspect?" Of course I am. I know that... The boy looks at me all wide-eyed and closes the door. What the fuck is wrong with him? I sigh... Can't they just start?
This day has been bad enough for me. And I don't want to think of the old man... No, I don't. It's still making my whole body shake in... what I don't even know. I need a smoke... I need a fucking smoke to calm myself down. It's all too much for me. God, let me out here!
The door's yanked open once again and a stern-looking woman comes in, motioning to the guy standing in the corner that he can leave. A man follows after her, steps strong and full of confidence. It's as if he has to assure himself everything will be alright and after I take look at his face I understand why. I can understand that it would be hard to interrogate a man suspected in a murder-case that you've just fucked two days ago.
But I know... even if Yunho is the one questioning me I doesn't heighten my chance of being let free. Yunho takes a seat across from me and licks his lips.
"Mr. Kim? This is Officer Higurashi and I'm Detective Jung. I'll now ask you a few questions regarding the incident at the Nightingale-mansion..." Nightingale-mansion? I think. I didn't know the house was called Nightingale-mansion... What is that? Some kind of monument? They still look at me without saying a word so I lean back in my chair and give them what they want or not want to hear.
"Okay.." I say and try to sound as unaffected as I can possibly be. "Mr. Shim said that he found you in the room with the body and that you were alone. Is that correct?" The woman bores her eyes into my forehead as if she can magically see the truth there.
"Who the fuck is Mr. Shim?" I ask and the woman gapes at me so I add an. "If I may ask..."
"Mr. Shim Changmin. You know him... at least he said so..."
Oh, it's the kitty. Shim... What a weird way to find out the kitty's surname... It's kind of funny but I can't laugh seeing that I'm a suspect in a murder-case... Yeah, I don't like this situation.
"Oh... Then...Yes, that's right." I say and look at Yunho. I don't know him, I repeat to myself. If I let something slip about our relations he'll be taken out of our little conversation before I can mutter an 'Oh shit!'. That's for sure.
"So may I ask the matter that brought you there?" Man, this is getting really fucked up. I didn't do anything but here I am and look at me... It seems I can't get out of this so easily.
"Yeah, I was there because he asked me to come. Yesterday I he called me and said that he needed my... well..." I draw quotation marks into the air. "...assistance. In short that he wanted to fuck me..." The woman gasps and Yunho shoots her a warning glance. "I'm his call-boy so there... you have our relations." I shrug. "I know the kitty... I mean Mr. Shim of course... from those cases of assistance as well."
"The chef made a statement that you and Mr. Shim seemed close. What is the matter with that? Are the two of you a couple? And did you try to get rid of him because of that perhaps?" I don't know how Yunho can ask me something like that with such a straight face. Damn him! I knew the police was good for nothing but trouble...
"No..." I try to keep my calm. Maybe punch him in the face verbally. "We're not as close as the chef thinks and besides... I like my life as a free man. I'm free to do anything, really. For example get fucked against a window-pane ... Happened just two days ago..." I say smiling at him. Take that you bastard!
Yunho gulps and wets his lips again. He knows he's in trouble... It won't be good for his reputation and job if maybe and of course absolutely accidentally let something slip about our little adventure... And life doesn't seem that miserable anymore.

On my way out I thank Yunho who's still sitting at his desk and tries to make Officer Higurashi believe the same things he does. That I've not killed the old man and I hope he doesn't only believe that because I blackmailed him... It could mean trouble...
And perhaps I don't want him to think that badly about me. Even if I probably never see him again... Yeah, I know it's selfish but I can't help it... Seeing how easy one can die has thrown me into an melancholy-hole. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much... again.
On my way out I see the kitty...No, Changmin how he stands in the rain and seems to wait for something. He still trembles a bit but I'm glad the officers let him go. I go near him and look at his face. He's crying... The tears falling from his eyes mixing with the rain and there's so much I want to say. I can't though...
"Hey kitty..." I say cautiously and try not to touch him. I fail and my hand reaches out for his arm. At my touch he flinches but he doesn't move away.
"Hey whore..." he says, sniffling. My hand moves up to his shoulder and strokes over his jacket. I want to comfort him but I don't know how... I don't know what to say or do... but Changmin speaks again. "Everything's over... They said I should go home but I can't go home because home was there with the old man and I can't stand that place anymore... I can't..." A broken sob comes from deep inside him. "And I don't want to go back to my mom... God knows what she'll do if she sees me again. Probably beat me up..."
I wrap him into my arms and stroke his hair although he's dripping wet from the hard rain. I don't really care... "Then come with me..." I say and he notably stiffens in my arms. "I'll have to ask Yoochun first though... But I'm sure he wouldn't mind you temporarily living with us... Really... So until you've found a job or something..."
Changmin sniffles against my chest. "Really...?" he asks and sounds like a 19 year old boy for the first time since I've met him. Maybe I'll take the kitty home now. I'd like to do that.
"Really..." I say.
And this time I know it's not the rain or that he's so pretty... No, that has nothing to do with it...

a/n
the epilogue will be posted tommorow
but what I want to know now is...

Should I really do some kind of character-developing biography for everyone of them?
I've already thought about it from the beginning acutally and then shinchul303 brought it up again in the last chapter and now I'm seriously thinking... hmmm... why not?
I'd give it a try at least... I have things that I wanted to write into the fic but never did... Especially for Yoochun who I had a whole past for... and for Yunho I have one too... The only one I don't have a past for is Junsu xD
But he's appeared the least so that's not surprising. hmmm... but I have something in mind for him...
okay I'm starting to ramble... sorry...
what I really wanted to ask was: "Should I do it?" Yes or No? and "Should I write it diary-like or just from the narrators point of view?"
oh yeah and even if I should do it... it'lll take some time since exams are coming up this week and after that I have holidays stuffed with things to do (well fun things but there'll be a lot of stuff to do xD)

yeah long a/n sorry xD
*hugs all of you*
This chapter isn't beta'ed because my beta has problems with her internet-connection so if you find a mistake please inform me. thanks <3 *bows*

the boy with the dead dog. |CH.5

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 10:08:00 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | chapter 5 of 6
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), mentions of Yoosu, mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: NC-17 this chapter
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
THANKS TO: narcolept_smurf for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

||prologue||
||chapter 1|| <--NC-17
||chapter 2||
||chapter 3||
||chapter 4||<--NC-17

chapter 5

The cornflakes Yoochun always eats in the morning are much too colorful for my mood. Black and white... like the old film we're half-watching on the TV while we're having breakfast. More like he stuffs his mouth with yellow, green, pink and blue cornflakes while I rest my head on his shoulder and feel his presence. After all the cornflakes are gone he places the mug on the desk beside the couch and moves his hand into my hair.
"What's wrong, honey?" he asks, concern evident in his voice. Of course he asks. I wanted him to ask. And what I want, I get... at least under normal conditions. Seems like the world isn't normal at the moment.
"Chun, what is it like to be in love?" I ask and feel as if I've just fallen into bad teen-movie. And I'm not even the main character. Yoochun raises an eyebrow and twirls a strand of my hand between his thumb and ring-finger.
"I don't know... It feels good and it hurts... in a very nice way." I raise my head and shoot him a questioning glance.
"How can something hurt in a nice way?" I ask. That seems very weird to me. When I was in love with Tibor it didn't hurt in a nice way. It hurt in a bad way. In a hurtful way... like yeah... it just hurt too much. Yoochun shrugs.
"Maybe everyone experiences love in his own unique way. But to me... that's how it feels." He nods, eyes pointed somewhere only he can see. "Yes, that's how it feels...." Then he seems to snap out of his daze and looks at me, eyes clear. "But why do you ask?"
"Hm..." I shrug. "I just wanted to know how it feels... I guess... I'm not in love. Or..." I sigh, trying to bring my thoughts into an order. "What do you call it if you want to go to him and hug him the whole fucking time? Even if he is not near you and when he is the only thing you can think of is sex... but then some more... like I wanna touch him so bad. It's like I'm not myself anymore. I just can't control myself with him..."
Yoochun just looks at me. Then he smiles and wraps his arms around me. "That's good, Joongie." And I huff. How the hell is that supposed to be good? "No, really. To me that seems a bit like you're new to the whole thing... Love, I mean." He shakes his head again and kisses my hair. "You know about sex... A lot... but you don't know anything about love. Just desire..."
"But how the fuck am I supposed to get myself out of this jungle of feelings? Your oh-so-wise comments don't help one bit."
"I never said I could help you." His lips press onto mine and his hands tangle in my hair as I press my body against his chest and open his mouth with my tongue. I haven't seen Changmin for almost three weeks and it's bugging me. The old man just doesn't want me anymore and I wonder what's up. After five days of not seeing Changmin (and the old man) at all some kind of frustration settled in.
I wrap my arms around Yoochun's body and feel his broad chest against my hands. I'm finally about to release some frustration into sex. It's not something out of the ordinary that Yoochun comes crawling into my bed after a stressful day and I do the same sometimes.... Just sometimes. It's odd to fuck your best friend. Even for a whore like me.
"Jaejoong..." he sighs and it doesn't feel right although we're both notably excited. It doesn't feel right to me. I want to stop but to my surprise he rouses and moves away a few centimeters.
"I'm sorry, Joongie." He says. "I'm in love with someone and I don't want to think about him the whole time we're doing it." He sighs and looks as if that's a fucking crime. "That's why I said it hurts in such a nice way..."
I'm surprised but try not to let it show. My best friend is in love and why the fuck am I feeling so... jealous. I guess that's normal... or isn't it? I really should read some books...
"Yeah... okay." I say. "No problem, Chun." I try to form my lips into a smile and succeed. Yoochun smiles back with all his teeth and love for me. Then I move away a bit and cover my erection. It's okay... Kind of...
"What's his name?" I ask and Yoochun blushes. It's kind of weird to talk about his love interest when I can still feel his lips on mine. I'll have to call someone... Or else I'll really get sexually frustrated. But who am I going to call? There's no one who would jump and leave everything for me... or my body... But there's one guy I'd really like to have in my bed today...
"Junsu..." Yoochun says with a blush on his cheeks.
Yunho, I think with a smirk on my lips.

I look at the sunny city in front of me through the big glass window. He has nice apartment. Seems like a he's big shot at the police office... But then again even in university his parents spoiled him like a ten year old and a big apartment with expensive furniture doesn't have to mean anything.
But it's nice nonetheless... Especially compared to the cramped little apartment me and Yoochun own. And the furniture is jumbled together too. I like to think of it as an artful style/mix of chaos. And I have Yoochun with me. Yunho seems to have no one.
The big glass window turns me on, I note. I wonder what it is like to be fucked against the cold glass for the whole world to see and... Jaejoong, when have you begun to think like the whore you are?
I redirect my mind to Yoochun's new lover... or soon-to-be-lover. He seems nice and good-looking and good in bed also but you can never trust a lovestruck man. They are blind and dumb. Especially Chunnie. Like I said, he loves with his whole body and soul... and brain.
Yunho comes back from the kitchen handing me a glass of wine. I don't know why he even talks to me... I said I was a whore... Maybe he doesn't believe me. Maybe having someone you know sink so far is too shocking for him. Maybe he just wants to fuck me now that he knows I do it for money. Or maybe he wants to talk to me and offer me a job... somewhere where I don't have to sleep with old men but get half of the
money I get paid now. No, I won't take any other job.
I lean against the cold glass, letting one leg touch it. He stares at me, lust in his eyes like a burning fire. Oh, I know he wants me. He's always wanted me so much... I know. He even jacked off with my name on his lips when he thought I was sleeping. And knowing that makes me take everything a little lighter. Seducing him will be piece of cake.
"Jaejoong..." he begins and I know what he's gonna say. I could bet on it. "...about your job..." Jackpot! "...haven't you ever thought about getting a new one... I mean even if you get paid less. Isn't anything better than..." He clears his throat, embarrassed. That's so adorable. "...what you do now, you know?"
I shake my head and his nervous smile falters. "No, I like it." I say and try to make it sound final. I don't want to talk about my job. I want him to fuck me, dammit. That's why I came here in the first place.
"What exactly do you like about it? Can't be 'coming in contact with people', right?" At that, I smile. He's funny... He's changed. He used to be a real dork with thick-rimmed glasses, a weird sense of humor and a body like a girl. He's changed... Especially his body. He's hot... but I can still see the dork peeking out from underneath.
"I like the money. The thought of the money I get after one of those bastards has fucked me turns me on so much that I can even give a great show." He blushes. Maybe dirty talk is one of my special talents. I don't know. "And why does it concern you? I know you've been after my ass since the first day we met. So why don't you just take your chance and make your wet dreams come true." His hand begins to tremble. "I'd even do it for free and that's not because your money turns me on."
I stalk forward and touch his broad chest, feeling muscles, nipples. I remember our dance. Reaching both hands behind his back I press my body against his.
That's what I need... To my dismay Yunho doesn't move.
Seems like he's in shock so I use the moment to press my lips against his.
That seems to wake him from his daze seeing how suddenly his tongue dives into my mouth and I gasp. Good God.
The kiss is slippery and wanton, dripping with suppressed need on both sides. His hands are everywhere and I can feel his hard cock against me. The best of it all is that he presses me against the big window overlooking the city and begins to unbutton my shirt.
Can he read my mind? The cold glass against my back is a stark contrast to my overheated body and his lips are everywhere. Teeth nipping at my skin, tongue flicking around my nipples and I moan. "Fuck..." I say because that's what I have to say. "Fuck..."
Why did I just imagine the little kitty writhing underneath me? I concentrate on Yunho and his hot body, his skillful tongue and his erection against mine. Yunho pants against my ear as I begin to knead his manhood through his pants. And it sounds good and it sounds sexy.
But even while my whole body's rocked by one of the greatest orgasms I ever had, my whole body shivering with Yunho deep inside me and my back still against the glass... all I can hear are those pretty little sounds the kitty made while I fucked him. And that's what driving me insane even more than the thought of the people who are maybe watching us having sex against the glass or Yunho, moaning my name over and over and over.

a/n
okay, so in the last chapter I hid a counter to see how many people are actually reading my fic and I was surprised to find it raise to a number over 200... I mean I knew I had some silent readers and that's okay since some people just won't comment for whatever reason...
But 200 people and only what? 14 comments? Ö_Ö That's a little... shocking and well...disappointing.
I mean I don't want everyone to write a long comment... just a single 'hello' would do because I'd like to know who's reading my fic. Anyways... If you don't want to comment on every chapter just comment on the last, okay?
It'd really make me happy and I think I deserve it after staying awake until the middle of the night to write (xD yeah, i know that's my fault... *headache*)
oh and now something different... there's only one chapter left T_T but maybe I'll write an epilogue ^__^
oh yeah and thanks to the people commenting... you're the ones that make me write faster *hugs*

the boy with the dead dog. | ch.4

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:33:51 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | chapter 4 of 6
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), Yoosu (later), mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: NC-17 this chapter
COUNTER:
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
THANKS TO: narcolept_smurf for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

SMUT in this chapter!

chapter 4

The second time is never like the first time. That is something I had to learn in a job like mine. When the client is gentle and cautious the first time that doesn't mean he'll always be like that. Quite the opposite even. Clients seem to think that after the first fuck a callboy should be used to the slight pain and then they double it. That's not enjoyable for me but my job is about pretending after all.
I'm taken aback by noticing that I'm just like them although maybe out of other reasons than them. I'm trying to not let my weird wants take over me. This horribly wrong urge to kiss and pet him like a lover. Not like the fucking callboy I really am. I can't do that...
And I don't even know why I want to do that. My hands seem to act on their own. They stroke over his chest in a disgustingly gentle motion before I will them to stroke harder and faster down down down. Changmin moans in surprise and his back arches slightly. I'm probably the only one noticing it since my gaze is glued to him.
Ah God, this is not enjoyable with all the things I have to think about.
The old man sits on the couch and watches how I prepare his "boyfriend" for what there is to come. I already have him panting with his fly open, watching us but still... I can't make a mistake now. It would be a mistake to be gentle. It's not because the old man likes it rough, no. It's all about jealousy...
Funny, right? He bought me but still he wishes to be more than just one of the many. I kind of like that in the old man. That innocent way of thinking. And then... maybe he and Changmin fit... Maybe... Somehow that thought makes me sad so I stop my mind from wandering and concentrate on the task at hand.
I let my mouth wander over his torso; lips, tongue and teeth on honey-colored skin. I rouse a little and watch how his chest rises and falls, rises and falls. His breathing has already quickened so either he really likes it or he is a good actor, just like me.
But I would notice if he faked his arousal, wouldn't I?
Before I can think more the kitty is in front of me licking a trail down my chest. I'm surprised but try not to show that. His tongue darts out and licks at my nipple. The old man stares. I look him in the eye for a few moments. And I know that will be enough for a while.
His tongue slithers down my throat and I note how my breathing quickens and my throat feel hot. I need to drink. Then he sucks at a patch of skin on my collarbone and I throw my arms around his hips and sigh. I know I shouldn't do that in the old man's presence but I just have to. Changmin's mouth stands still for a moment. He is shocked. But then he smiles against my skin and continues.
I throw a hidden look at the old man. He doesn't seem to notice exactly what is going on, but maybe he is a little weirded out. Of course he doesn't know what's happening... I don't even know myself and judging from how Changmin glances down as he lets himself fall onto the bedsheets, I doubt he is any wiser.
Quick now. Before the old man notices or jumps to conclusions. I concentrate all my skill on his right nipple, then his left and by the time I reach down to his swollen manhood he already writhes and pants. I knew he wasn't faking. I know I'm good. I don't boast with it but... well, practice makes perfect, right?
And I definitely had enough practice over the last few years.
As I lick at his most sensitive body-part, Changmin releases a strangled moan and grabs the bed-sheets. I hear shuffling clothes from the couch and know that this is exactly what the old man wants to hear from his kitty. Maybe he doesn't get to hear those sounds when he fucks Changmin.
But then Changmin surprises me again. He lifts his body up and pushes me down onto the bed. Change of roles? I'm not too sure I want that... But he doesn't give me time to think about it. His tongue is all over my body immediately and where his mouth goes, this weird tingling feeling follows. I'm hot all over and he doesn't stop.
God, he doesn't stop and I want it to stop although I really don't. I want to be the one in control and at the same time I just don't want it to stop. I wish the old man was gone so I could let myself go.
Although my body is on fire I still note how gentle he is with me. Does he think I care? I mean he called me a whore himself so why does he stroke around my entrance as if I was a virgin. God dammit... A whore like me can take it up the ass without much preparation.
But then... maybe he isn't really experienced when it comes to fucking guys. Maybe he was always the one to be bottom. Maybe... this's his first time? Could be possible since most guys who would keep a sextoy would want him to be submissive... or not?
I spread my legs a bit and reach for the condom and the lube. I'm human even if I'm a fucking whore. The old man still sits on his couch pumping his cock slowly. As I look at him he grins at me and I think maybe he wanted Changmin to do this. Maybe he likes that even more than the thing we did last time.
Maybe...Maybe... Maybe...
Maybe I should just stop thinking so much and move on to what I really want to do. And Changmin too. "Just come on already..." I say after he has lubed himself up and notice that my voice sounds breathy and... sexy. I didn't even try to make it sound that way... I'm just really turned on.
Then I feel his cock at my entrance and I stop thinking about... everything. I fist the bedding because hell, that feels good and the view is even better. He gasps, eyes closed to the pleasure as he slides into me. Yeah seems like it's his first time because he leans forward almost as if to kiss me and then asks the most ridiculous question I ever heard in my job. "Does it hurt?"
I can't help the smile that forms on my lips although all I really want to do is to tell him to fuck me already.
"No..." I say and it comes out much to gentle so I add a "Now fuck me already." and let my head fall onto the mattress completely. He blushes and his breathing quickens hearing my words.
Oh, so he really likes the dirty talk. Nice...
Then he begins to move, thrusting his hips forward and I close my eyes. I moan and he moans and it sounds good in a really really weird, erotic, and trashy way. But that's how I feel. Trashy... Here I am getting fucked by one of those guys I regard as even lower than me. It's funny, right?
"Oh God!" I breath out as he hits just that spot. "Oh my fucking God!" He leans forward again and I can hear him panting against my skin. And feel him. Everywhere. My body's on fire. My fucking body is on fire. His pace quickens and I meet his every thrust with my hips. God, God, God.
My hands grab the bed sheets and his hand grabs my cock. He slams in even harder and then I come. I let out a strangled moan and a whimper or something
in between even, and just seconds after me he comes too. I feel him shuddering above me and as I open my eyes I see how his expression softens and he falls forward onto my chest. I glance at the old man because I just remembered he was here too and see that he cleans himself from his sperm.
Changmin slides out of me and to my surprise cuddles closer to me.
Before the old man can say anything (I know he wants to) his cell rings in his pocket and he grumbles, pulling it out. Looking at the caller ID, he visibly pales and hurries out of the room with his pants still undone and stained. I shoot a questioning glance to the door but I know it won't give me answers.
Instead of the door Changmin answers, lips moving against my sweaty chest. "It's his daughter..." he says. "She wants his money and I don't know why but she has him in his grip. Maybe she blackmails him or something..." He lifts himself up from my chest but just a little. I like his warmth although I'm disgustingly sweaty. His finger moves around my right nipple drawing patterns on my chest. A shiver runs down my spine and my stomach feels like there are people running around in it with puffy shoes.
The look in his eyes is far away. "I'm worried about him somehow... I know his daughter and she could rival Cruella Devil." He shivers, then sighs. "God knows what she might do to him. And I like him. Out of all the guys keeping me I like him best."
"But you realize what you're doing here, right?" I ask him, confused about his sudden confessions. "You're pouring your heart out to a whore... Who knows what I might do with it..." To my surprise he merely shrugs.
"Who cares... My life's complicated anyways." His gaze wanders up, up, up reaching my throat. "Besides...I like you... kind of."
"What?" I sputter. "How the fuck is that possible? I thought you were disgusted by my job and my personality... Don't change your opinion like that. Don't you remember our encounter at the club? You didn't like me at all...or did you?" I lift my eyebrow and look at him.
"I did. But you pissed me off." He answered shifting his gaze to my face finally. "To be honest, I think I'm in love with you..." He says and that sounds nothing like a confession. More like he accused me of killing his dog or something.
"What the hell? What makes you think that?"
"Well the description of 'being in love' in my books fits my feelings towards you so I guess I'm in love with you. I can't help it. It just is..." he says as if that's a fucking normal thing for a 19 year old boy to say. Books! He read it in his fucking books! I'm
too shocked to even say a thing.
"You know... after getting fucked by all the rich men I kind of felt as if everything about me was fake. The moans, the whimpers, the smiles... just everything about me seemed so fake." I gulp. That sounds like me talking to Yoochun. I say the exact same things. "And with you... I don't know. I feel real... It's really weird but I don't have to think 'now I'll do this' and 'now I'll do that' when I interact with you." 'Interact?' I think. "I just do... things. It feels good."
Somehow I know what he means. I've always felt as if I was too fake. Sometimes Yoochun can rescue me out of my deep hole and sometimes he can't. I feel just as miserable about the whole fake thing as Changmin, who's now cuddled in my arms with a tired and sad expression on his face.
Then my hands begin to act on their own, stroking his hair. It feels soft and silky under my fingers. He kisses my naked chest and then he kisses my lips.
We kiss and pet each other until we hear the old man come back. Maybe I should read some books too... Or better yet: ask Yoochun. Because this feels weird. In a good way...

author's comments:
After a major writers block I finally post this chapter~
Sorry for the delay... I kind of couldn't write anything english so I wrote german until my english came back. That was yesterday where I wrote almost the whole chapter in one go.
The two weeks before that I wrote 2-3 sentences... and that's it.
So thanks for your patience and have fun reading

I'm sorry I friends-locked it without noticing...-.-
Now it's viewable for everyone~
sorry for the trouble...

THE BOY WITH THE DEAD DOG | CH. 3

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:44:09 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | chapter 3 of 6
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), mentions of Yoosu, mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: PG-13 to NC-17
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
THANKS TO: narcolept_smurf for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

||prologue||
||chapter 1|| <--NC-17
||chapter 2||

Chapter 3 halfway through ö_Ö

I know I promised him but I'm so tired and the only thing I really want to do is sleep. No chance of going to this stupid party. I roll myself around in bed a bit more and watch how Yoochun races back and forth trying to find his 'fucking shirt'. Pacing up and down the same room doesn't really make it appear from thin air.
Especially not since it is my room and I didn't take his shirt.
But I'd never say that. I like the view of him going around my room shirtless. So my eyes follow him like a
hunter stalks his prey. Although he isn't my prey. That will be someone... later on at the party because I know Yoochun will drag me there even if he has to throw me out of bed and carry me there. And I'd rather be styled than in my pajamas (or well... no pajamas at all since I sleep in my boxers...) when I go there.
I get up from my bed and stalk over to Yoochun who's now looking at me with sorrowful eyes. "My shirt's gone... Now I'll have to prepare a whole new outfit!" he whines and flails his arms through the air.
"Have to? I think the girls would eat you alive if you go like you are now..." I say stroking down his chest to his navel where I replace my hand with my lips. He shivers but stays still as I suck on the soft skin, feeling his muscles move under my lips. We stay like that for a few blissful moments until he lets out a chapped breath and lifts my head until I stand right in front of him looking him in the eye.
"What's up with you?" he asks and his eyes say that he really doesn't know.
I whisper a 'Don't know...' to his lips and then decide to silence him before he asks more unpleasant questions. We share a long and slow french kiss and I know that's enough for him. As a substitute for an answer or not, I don't care...
After our kiss he backs away and groans. "Can I borrow one of your shirts? I think your idea isn't all that great..." I shrug and walk over to my stuffed closet. Yoochun always says that I have too many clothes and sometimes I have to agree with him. But then there comes the time when I have to find pants that match with exactly THAT shirt and I think: "Fuck... I need more clothes..."
I open the door of my closet and hope that the clothes don't bury me under them as they fall. They don't but that's more due to the fact that I'm used to opening my closet than my luck. I motion my hand towards the mess of shirts (I think...). "Take one... I'm off to shower."
"Thanks, Jae. Now I'm definitely gonna get laid tonight." I hear him shouting after me and I chuckle.
So we had the same plan for the party. What a nice surprise. This way he won't be too clingy. Maybe it's going to be a good night after all. Maybe I'll try to seduce one of the wallflowers and make them blossom... Maybe... I like a challenge once in a while. I'm a pro after all...

The club is almost as stuffed as my closet when we arrive there. Yoochun immediately makes his way to the bar. That's his territory. He's good with words so it's only natural for him to go to the bar to flirt. And I...maybe you already noticed... I'm not good with words so I have to use my body and my face for my advantage. So I head to the dance floor. Screw the wallflower-thought. I'm to exhausted for a challenge...
Or just too moody. Today I'm almost weirded out by how often my mood swings. I even had to change three times before I found the perfect outfit. And on our way to the club I noticed that the first outfit fit me so much better than the one I'm wearing now. How fucking frustrating...
Then I see something that catches my attention. A boy, dancing in the middle of the club like he was all alone. Many girls are watching him as he moves his hips to the beat. His arms are thrashing through the air and his dance (although danced on an upbeat song) looks graceful and sensual. And sexy in a way I can't quite comprehend.
But all that is not what rouses my interest. It's that he looks awfully familiar. I know him. I fucking know him although it's been a while since we last met.
Yunho. The guy from university. The guy who was after my ass the whole half year I spent with him in university. My ex-roomie. I decide to watch him for a while, his hips mesmerizing me. Wow, he couldn't do things like that when we were in university together. He turns and a part of his upper body is exposed. My mouth dries in appreciation (yeah, that's what it is...).
And that's exactly the moment he looks my way and... gapes.
My lips form a smirk as I wave at him, only a little. It's not as if I want him, I tell myself. The girls in the crowd are now piercing me with envious stares. I think they're going to kill me if I make a move. But Yunho doesn't seem to notice. He beckons to me and I don't have to be told twice. So I walk over to him, concentrated on looking sexy and I know I'll have to dance to get his full attention. So I do just that.
I know I can't rival him in dancing but I also know that he doesn't care as long as I swing my hips in the way I do. I know how irresistible I can be when I try. And I'm trying. Not too hard though... that would be too obvious. I think I won't have problems getting Yunho into bed. I'm a pro, you know?
After five minutes of dancing our bodies are so close I can feel his hardened nipples through the fabric of his thin shirt from time to time. The crowd doesn't stare at us anymore although I feel the gaze of a few pairs of eyes on us every now and then. Well, who wouldn't watch? In shock or in fascination. Two hot guys almost having sex on the dance floor attract attention of both kinds.
That doesn't bother me at all with those miraculous hips close to mine and those hands on my chest rubbing my nipples. God, that's almost too fast for me. Almost. All I want to do is go somewhere more private and fuck him senseless. Or be fucked. At the moment that doesn't matter at all. Nothing matters.
But Yunho doesn't stop dancing. I know he is a dancer but hell! I can tell how aroused he is... And it makes me wonder if perhaps we're not supposed to do it... ever.
We did have half a year and a room just for the two of us and nothing happened. Why should it happen now after just five minutes of dancing? Because now we're fully grown men? Because seemingly he said goodbye to the hope of being with me romantically? A thought strikes me. Maybe he didn't and that's why he doesn't have me with my back against a wall by now... Shit! Fucking romantic guys! Good for nothing...
I lean forward to whisper him my thoughts. "Yunho, why..." I begin but never finish the sentence as I see another familiar face not so far away from me. It's the kitty and he's dancing, too. That's not all. He has almost the same expression on his face as he had while I was fucking him and it's such. a. fucking. turn. on. I feel my breath catching in my throat. Yunho stops dancing upon noticing that I don't move anymore and looks over his shoulder.
He notices Changmin and creases his brows. "Do you know him?" he asks turning his gaze to me calmly although obviously confused. "You shouldn't consort with someone like him. He's some rich guys fucking-boy, you know? I think knowing someone like him wouldn't do you good, Jae."
Does he worry about me? He should worry about the kitty instead of me. I'm more fitting for the title: "The guy your mommy always warned you of". Although I have to admit that it fits him pretty well too.
I look at the kitty, then Yunho. Why the heck does Yunho know about Changmin?
"How do you know him?" I ask. I don't emphasize the 'you' so he doesn't know I know him. Time to play a little mind game. Perhaps Yunho knows more about the kitty. Perhaps.
"Let's just say I'm a pretty big shot in the police now and he came in contact with us a few times..." My eyes widen. Not because Changmin is a naughty boy (I already knew that...) but because Yunho is a police-...something, really. It's shocking that he doesn't know about me since I came in conflict with the law a few times in the past, too. I hate the police.
"So if something's wrong... just call me." He grins at my dumbfounded self and slips me a note with his cell number I suppose. Then he seems to remember his question. "So how do you know him or... do you?"
All I can do is nod and shy away from Yunho. God, how I hate the police. Maybe that's childish but I can't shake that feeling. They often ruined my day when I was still fishing for clients on the streets. "I know him." I say and Yunho
looks at me really really puzzled.
"His lover is one of my clients. I'm a callboy. I'm far worse than him." I don't mean those words although they're the truth. They're meant to shock my little ex-roomie with his oh so clean record in his oh so clean world.
He looks at me doubt written all over his face and then... disgust. Yeah, that's just how I am, baby. You don't want me... I can assure you that much.

I don't know why I went over to the kitty but here I am, standing right in front of him with a hideous smile in my face. I'm tipsy but he is too, I can tell from his slightly reddened cheeks. "Hey, little kitty." I greet him and that seems to anger him. His face contorts into a mask of anger, eyes glinting dangerously.
"Hey, whore." he says. "My name's Changmin." I laugh at that. I've had too many drinks to be angry. So I decide to introduce myself. I just noticed he doesn't even know my name.
"I'm Jaejoong, pretty." I say and rest my hand on his chest. Then I note that this motion was horribly gay and quickly remove my hand. "Jaejoong..." he repeats my name as if doubting it was my real one and with some kind of horror I note that I really did give him my real name. And why did I do that?
"Is that your real name?" he asks, young like he is. He doesn't know anything and yet he always doubts... in that childish manner. He speaks his thoughts unlike me who always thinks his actions through; at least if he can gain something from it. He doesn't seem like he's dumb or anything. It's just this young demeanor that makes me... what? feel something around him? He really is like my younger self. Only not as selfish.
I nod. "It is... Why should I give you a fake name? Watched too many movies, huh?" To that he nods and it amuses me. Seems like he wanted to make me laugh. That's nice of him... but weird. What exactly does he want from me? Why doesn't he walk away like he should?
"So... does your boyfriend allow you to go out once in a while?" I ask, because I doubt that the old man would go to such a club as the one we're now standing in. And because somehow the kitty and the old man are linked in my mind.
"My..." he makes a face. "...boyfriend does of course allow me to go out since I'm not his pet and he isn't my father" (yeah, I think, that would've been really perverted...) "...so I can do whatever I want, really." Then he looks me in the eye as if he's challenging me.
"Ah, that's great... You're free to do whatever you want? Sorry, but I don't believe that... He pays you in a way, right? He offers you a place to stay, something to eat and all those little gifts ain't that bad either, right? Don't tell me you're free when you practically live in a golden cage."
His eyes get that furious glimmer again as he stares a hole into my forehead. Or it seems as if he tries. He doesn't look me directly in the eyes though and perhaps that's why I have this feeling like... I just won this little fight.
"That's better than really selling your ass. And I like him. I really do. Okay, I really don't want to sleep with him but he isn't all that bad. He doesn't do things to me that I wouldn't want. This way of living is far better than yours."
This comment angers me. "How can you say that when you don't even know how I live?"
"I don't know how you live but i know how you lived in the past and that's all I need to know. I saw you. Let me tell you something about me. I've always been alone in my life and that's why I sometimes wandered around the city and even down to the red light district. That's where I saw you. You were drugged and selling your ass. Don't be stuck up like that just because you're now a whore for the riches!" There's just one thing in his tone: the intent to hurt. My eyes widen. "The things you did in the past... I'd never ever do something like that. Never."
That's enough. I've had enough of his insults. (My mind whispers that it shouldn't matter.)
"Yeah, that's what every single one of those prostitutes said in the past so don't you be so fucking stuck up yourself. You're not so different from me. You're selling your ass, too. Just that he doesn't give you money but pays everything for you. And aren't you addicted too? To the luxury?"
"No, I'm not." he says short and low. "I never had chance to have a better life. I'm just 19 and I've been with rich men for almost one year now. I never had a chance. But you... you had a chance. You even studied but then the drugs came your way and you took them without even hesitating."
"How would you know that?" I ask, wondering how he came so close to the truth. Was that just a coincidence or did I know him?
"A colleague of yours told me that..." He says and I laugh. I just have to laugh. That seems to throw him of. "Wh...What's so funny?"
"My..." I giggle. "...colleague was probably one of those fuckers who could not stand me because I was too pretty and always ended up stealing their clients." He huffs but I continue. "Don't get me wrong. I'm not proud of what has happened and I can't blame you for not wanting to be like me but don't you think you're concentrating too much on what's so apparent that it can't be true... There's so much more to it than just a party-addicted student."
"Really?" he asks eyes wide with curiosity and it makes him really look like a 19-year old boy. In some way that makes my heart ache. I don't know why though...
"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to tell you the whole fucking story." I say because that's true. He doesn't need to know. I'll probably fuck him two more times and that's it. I'll never see him again after the old man tires of him.
Then why do I lean forward an capture his lips in a kiss? Is that just the alcohol or is it to shut him up? 'I don't want to talk about it.' Do I mean that?
And why... does he respond with kissing me back? Why does he throw his arms around me and kiss me so slow and sensual and... needy? I ask myself if he's the one-night-stand I was looking for tonight. That explanation would clear it all up and make it simple.
But somehow it doesn't feel that simple when he is pressed against me and I can feel his whole body and a lot more. It shouldn't be like that. I can't possibly think about really running away with this lonely kitty. That's just fucking comical... So funny I'd laugh if I could...but not really.

A/N: I'm updating just in time ^__^ This chapter is longer than the others and I'm quite proud of it, too. Although it was really stressful to wirte it...
I'm motivated to write the whole fic to the end. YES! and this time there won't be month-long break inbetween two chapters...
Oh, and this chapter had Jaeho Ö_Ö and I planned some Yoosu in this chapter, too but never wrote it... hmm... then this chapter would've never come to an end... I'm sorry but because of that Junsu will probably not appear in this ficton. -.- I know I really suck...
comment to hate/love/squee/fangirl/attack me with poor english(can't be worse than the guys in my english-class) or whatever you want to do but comment please because it makes me happy²

<33

the boy with the dead dog | ch. 2

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 13:02:43 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | chapter 2 of 6
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), Yoosu (later), mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: PG-13 to NC-17
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
THANKS TO: narcolept_smurf for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

||prologue||
||chapter 1|| <--NC-17

Chapter 2

Our shared apartment is as quiet as a church when I arrive there. No light, no sound except for the clinking of the key on the glass table. My footsteps are loud and lonely in the dark apartment. The sound of the rain is muted to a mere whisper, although you can clearly see it sliding down the buildings. Where is my fucking best friend when I need him?
I find him in the living room curled up and clutching a rug in his arms like a baby. He looks peaceful and content and a smile appears on my lips. It's rare to see him like that. My best friend is always collected and cool, at least that's what he shows to the people on the outside. As I know him, he's the most emotional person on the face of the earth. He and I, we fit together. I tend to let my temperament get the best of me and then I cuss and hit and hiss like a stray-cat gone mad. He's the one to bring me down back to earth and protect me from the wrath of my opponents. He always thinks before doing something, I don't. And although I always get him into trouble and get on his nerves he loves me and that's where I reward him for what he's given me. I love him.
And that's all I have to do.
It's easy to come to love him, I knew that from the beginning. I met him in my time as a street-whore... He was one of my clients and now that I think of that, I find it almost funny. How could we possibly become best friends? It's some kind of miracle but I've long stopped to wonder since my whole life seems so warped and like a dream.
It was in one of those dusty clubs downtown in the middle of a cold winter. A winter so freezing we prostitutes couldn't stand outside so we had to go to the clubs to earn our money. The clubs were stuffed with dirt from the streets and that's where I met him. At the bottom of my life I danced. And he danced with me.
I was high on ecstasy and the whole club was a blur of color. And he was there too. Dancing like there was no tomorrow and never would be. We lapsed into a much too sensual dance, skin brushing and eyes meeting over those little funny dots (probably drug-induced hallucinations). And then he asked me to go outside and fuck. Of course he would've never used those words but I knew that he meant them.
We had a sloppy and drunk one-night stand outside in the snow. The cold on my skin didn't help much to cool me off and after it all happened he left his cell number like he truly wished to see me again. Such lies almost made me cry but that was probably because the effect of the drugs wore of. I don't remember that all to clearly.
But I remember the panic of the next day. We forgot to use a condom and although at that time I thought I wanted to die I didn't want to die of this fucking illness every prostitute died of in their clichéd little world: HIV.
No slow death for Jaejoong (although drugs meant a slow death too). So I called him. To me calling him seemed like a crime against the unwritten law of one-night-stands. But I had to. After a few rings he picked up, puzzled. "Hello?" Yes, it had been a fucking lie. "Uhm... It's me..." I said and then remembered that he didn't even know my name. "My name's Jaejoong and I was your one-night stand." All he said to that was: "Oh." I remember that. And I remember how I thought that it was funny and that I had to supress my laughter although I wasn't drugged at that time. Silence followed and then I blurted out why I had called in the first place. "Are you clean?"
I don't know why but the next day we met at a café. Maybe it was the need to do something more pleasant than asking if the guy who fucked you last night was HIV positive... or maybe it was the relief that followed when he said he wasn't. Until one second before he came I debated with myself about leaving.
I stayed till he came.
And maybe that was the point when we became friends. Really... I can't remember any point in our friendship that seemed so clear and bare of all sexual feelings. Of course we are just friends but we kiss and touch nonetheless. I'm used to touches and he... he's just him. He needs to be loved with every fragment of my body and soul. That's just how he is... Just like I am just how I am... But after all the kisses and touches neither of us can deny the lust. Sometimes...
After our date (kind of) in the café we did everything together although at that time we didn't know where we wanted to go with our relationship. We had this idea that we would be the savior for the other but that didn't go like we planned it. After being together for roughly a month he caught on and disappeared from my life. Or rather, he intended to. To my luck and perhaps his that was exactly the time this Tibor guy bought me and forced me to go to detox.
That fucker... I like to think that he was the one who killed the last bit of the naive boy in me. Of course that's not the truth but at least it's pretty fucking close. I guess saying that he got lost on the way is just not dramatic enough for me. He broke my heart, okay . But... he didn't break me. Truthfully... I really don't want to think of it.
My best friend to be was there for me. Maybe that was just his gentle nature or maybe everyone would've been willing to help considering that I suffered a whole fucking lot and on top of that I'm a drama-queen. In case you didn't know... detoxification doesn't feel good at all. I was nauseous all the time and my lungs hurt like hell. That's how I experienced detoxification. I was miserable and yeah, sometimes I even thought (and said) 'Maybe it's better to die...Ugh!' In exactly that tone. I really thought I couldn't do it but he was there (as opposed to Tibor) and scolded me for being so pessimistic. I didn't have a family as a motivation. But after I was clean I had a best friend.
That's how it happened, yeah. A nice story to tell... You could probably make a movie out of that... or write a story about it. But I wouldn't approve of that. That's my life and I don't want everyone to know what I've been through. Maybe one day when I'm old and look at all of that in a different light. Ah I'm drifting off.
"Ah, you're home..." he says rubbing his eyes. He looks kind of cute with ruffled hair and really... like a child perhaps. My hand finds its way into his hair automatically.
"Yeah... so how was your day?" I try to start a useless conversation while arranging his hair. He yawns.
"Frustrating... Very few customers and the boss was really bitchy about everything. I had to clean the whole restaurant. Seems like no one wants to eat chefs pasta in Seoul. At least not today." He makes a face, then laughs. "Pretty uneventful, so to speak."
To make a good conversation he should ask me how my day was but he doesn't. He never does. I don't know why exactly he doesn't but I guess it's something about the fact that I sleep with men he doesn't know that irks him. Or maybe that I already did when I was fucking him? Whatever it is... it makes him avoid the subject of my job like the plague.
But for me, that doesn't mean I can't talk about it.
"I met a really pretty boy today." I say and watch how he gets up from the couch to stretch.
"Oh, really?" he doesn't ask me out of interest. Just because I expect him to ask, I know that. "He called me a whore..."
Hedoesn't answer.
"I'm used to it but it was kind of funny. I almost laughed."
"Almost..." comes his answer. "I'd have expected you to cry, really..." He shrugs making his way to the kitchen. I follow him.
"Why cry?"
"Hmm... Maybe because it was one time too much? Or because you tend to take thing to your heart when they come out of a pretty boy's mouth." He locks his gaze to mine and raises a brow. "Am I not right?"
"You are... but really it didn't hit me as hard as it was probably intended to."
He smiles at me. "Don't play the tough guy. I mean, I know you're tough and all but you're not as tough as you pretend to be."
All I can answer to that is nod.
Then he comes closer to me and wraps me into his arms like a baby, kisses me full on the lips and doesn't let go until I'm feeling better. That's probably why Yoochun is my best friend. Just like that...

The next time I meet Changmin is after the old geezer has fucked me. I feel miserable, my ass hurts and the clothes I'm wearing are a) much too thin and b) don't really cover most parts of my upper body. It's cold.
And there he sits in his warm woolen pullover, stuffing an apple into his mouth. As he sees me he immediately stops mid-motion and that looks really stupid. To my horror I note that it's cute. Cute!
Cute is a word I'd never use on a guy I saw in orgasmic bliss and then only. His white pullover contrasts against his tanned skin and makes me think of sunny winter-afternoons cuddled on a couch with Yoochun. I wave my hand at him and wink.
"Hey, pretty. How's it going?" I ask. I should fucking scold him for calling me a whore. I don't. The look in his eyes stops me. He lets the apple sink to his hip and averts his eyes to the ground.
"I'm sorry..." he murmurs and if his voice didn't bounce of the walls I probably never would've understood him. "You know, for last time." His gaze begins to shift to a point somewhere on my face, but never my eyes.
"I guess I was just embarrassed. You know, I felt humiliated and stuff... That's why I..." I nod and wave it aside.
"I'm used to it." I say.
"People always label me as a whore and besides I can kind of understand your feelings. Truth to be told, I felt pretty good so I didn't really care right then. I liked fucking you more than the old man." I roll my eyes and he laughs an embarrassed laugh. He really seems young and inexperienced. Or he likes the dirty talk, that's become so normal for me. His cheeks tint deep red and then he says something I wouldn't have expected.
"Me too..."

A/N
I'm posting the chapter up now because the rest of the week I will have no internet... I'm partying away xD so no delay this time although I said there could be. And I noticed something about the prologue: It's juast a few hundred words short of being a chapter xD
So Yoochun is Jae's best friend. That's not a surprise... really.
I just wanted to make them the best friends ever so I probably exegerated the drama a bit.
And I'm kind of not feeling this chapter...-.- don't know.

Comments are creativity source and appreciated <3

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 19:02:26 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | chapter 1 of 6
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), Yoosu (later), mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: PG-13 to NC-17| NC-17 in this chap
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
THANKS TO: narcolept_smurf for beta'ing
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

||prologue||

SMUT in this chapter!

Chapter 1

He's pretty, I note. He's really fucking pretty. Especially now that his face is a mask of sheer lust. His eyes are shut tightly but his mouth is wide open and panting. As I look down at him I see brownish hairs sticking to his face and his erotic body glistening from sweat.
He moans and it's such a pretty sound that I just have to slam in harder. He writhes, he pants, and he moans. He's so fucking pretty.
His mouth... Oh God! His mouth. Those rosy-red, full, sensual lips quivering with every thrust I make. He's close to the edge but he's been there for a while now. I know how to make it last. Just a little longer.
A moan from his erotic lips, wanton. It drips with sex and perhaps there is a little desperation. I know... He wants to come. But the old man paid me for making it last. He wants a good show. And I'm giving him a good show as it seems. Judging from how he pants, sitting on his expensive couch with his cock in his hand.
The pretty boy underneath me releases a strangled sound of pleasure and the old man gasps. I decide to give him a special something extra for making me fuck his little kitty because that's far more pleasant than fucking him.
My eyes lock with his and his breathing quickens. That's all it needs for him to get just a little more turned on. But he is so disgusting... I have to turn my gaze to the little, pretty kitty underneath me.
Yes, I'm used to people like the fat, old man sitting on the couch and I can bare it... usually. But now there is this boy (he seems young) and hell! Everybody would look at least a little disgusting compared to him.
The little kitty releases another moan and presses himself onto me, burying my cock even deeper inside of him. It throws me off and I can't help the gasp that forms on my lips (the old man groans) but it doesn't throw me off for too long.
I decide that it's time for the little kitty to come already. Not because he has begged enough (he hasn't) but because I'm fucking close too. I wasn't prepared for this at all. I thought that I had to fuck the old man and not this boyish, pretty...
He comes with a whimper, throwing his head back and it looks like a scene from a porn. Trashy but oh so erotic. And then I'm at the peak too. I exaggerate my orgasm a bit but that's just how the old man likes it.
I let myself fall forward and let my head rest on the kitty's chest (a nicely sculpted chest). Then I moan my porn-moan, long and deep while my whole body shudders. I hear the old man and then my body goes limp. It was good sex for once... And the first time I had fun while working... (What a stupid job, I think.)
As if to thank the pretty kitty I lick his nipple but he doesn't show any reaction. Well, whatever... If he wasn't that pretty I would pity him. In a way we're very much alike. Although I like to think that the people my clients keep as their pets and sex-toys are even lower than me.
Of course... they're officially their lovers and I'm officially their whore but I wouldn't change 'whore' for 'lover'. They're prostitutes in a way, too. No matter how often they say that they love the old rich man, I know they only love his money. Just like me.
The only difference between the little kitty and me is that he's sitting in a golden cage and he's going to be lost when he's set free. I am a visitor, I come and I go (with my money of course). That's why I think they have an even worse life than I do. As soon as their 'lover' is tired of them they're thrown out of their home and have to fend for themselves. Maybe I will meet them on the streets or even at the agency (I think the agency is a really fucking pathetic name for 'the home of the call-boys'). Why am I even thinking about stuff like that?
I begin to rouse, removing my head from his sweat-slicked, warm chest and look at the old man. He's grinning one of his supposedly perverted grins but it looks like a hamster is sitting in his cheek and lifting one corner of his mouth from the inside. "Did you like it?" he asks. What a question! Who wouldn't like it? And he doesn't ask me when he has fucked me raw... Fucking fat-ass...
I guess he just wants to know if I'm envious of his new sex-toy. I'm not... or maybe I am but that's no reason to keep this boy like a pet. I'd never do something like that. "Yeah, I did..." I say, stretching my body just that little more and touching the kitty's chest. I stroke my way down to his navel and he shivers. "He makes pretty sounds... really pretty."
And he does. I'm not lying... He makes the prettiest sounds I've ever heard from a man (or boy) and the more I think of it the more I want to hear them again. He's really nothing special but I'm interested in him nonetheless. I think the only two special things about him are that he is really pretty and.. he's male. I've never seen a male lover in the bed of my clients up to today. And I really don't like pleasuring the female loversof some of my clients. I'm gay... that will never change... I acknowledge the fact that some of the female lovers are really pretty too but to me they're much too... soft and they smell like soap, not sex.
The boy looks up and straight into my eyes. And I thought I could glare people to death. Holy...
My hand seems to remove itself from his chest in shock. Why does he glare at me like that? I would've expected a smug grin at most but that...throws me off. I hate it when people don't behave the way I want them to. Usually people do what I want them too although they think that it's the other way round. And there comes this boy and... "Whore!" he spits. If I wasn't that shocked I would laugh. Really. Really. Loud.
First he's practically begging me to fuck him and now... he... that's just priceless. Just priceless.
The old man seems not to approve of his kitty's behavior. "Changmin!" he shouts. "Get out of here!" I can't help the grin that forms on my lips as I see him grabbing the bed-sheet and stomping out of the room, not without shooting me another glance full of hate.
"I'm sorry... He's not as well behaved as I'd like him to be..." the old man apologizes in a sincere, business-voice. It's quite comical, seeing that he sits on his couch half-naked. "Ah..." I wave aside the apology. "I don't mind besides... I used to be like that, too." And I make a note in my mind not to forget his name: Changmin... that's his name. It kind of fits. "Oh, really?" the old man asks and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Is he trying to hold a normal conversation with me? That's even more bothersome than his staring at my naked body. But he pays me so I have to please him.
"Yeah, I was young and bratty... Just like your little boy..." And then I stretch my body again showing him my nice side, spans of milky skin, and stroke some of my hair out of my face. The old man gets a hungry stare in his eyes... Maybe he'll pay me extra. I'd appreciate it since my micro-wave decided to say goodbye to me yesterday and went to serve the angels in heaven.
And suddenly I feel the urge to go home and cuddle up to my best friend. For a second or two I'm absolutely sick and tired of this job and of pretending to be sexy, naughty, and whatnot. Sometimes I really want to be who I am (Jaejoong to be exact)... Not just a wet fantasy of the richest quarter of Seoul. Just a few more minutes... then I'll be gone. I get out of bed, grab my clothes and crawl between his legs to press a sloppy kiss to his lips. "I have to go..." He reeks of expensive tobacco and perfume. I don't like this smell at all. The old man smiles and reaches for his wallet.
Oh, yes! Now he has hit my pleasure-spot. If there even is something like that... then mine is money. "Take the extra money for the trouble my boyfriend caused you..." Boyfriend, I think, That's a weird term for the little kitty. But I don't care... The boy is nuts anyway. I take the money, reward him with another kiss and then I start to slowly dress with his eyes on me.
He likes how my milky skin disappears under the thin cloth of my shirt. He's kind of weird. I would've thought he'd enjoy seeing me undress but it's the other way round with him. I have to admit that I kind of like his weirdness. There can be painful weirdness, like one of my other clients. When he has a bad day, he likes to whip and torture me (it fucking hurts like hell and burns for days) and when he has a good day, I have to torture and whip him. I treat him like a dog and he goes wild. Humans are disgusting... So I'm thankful that the old man's weirdness is so weird it doesn't have to hurt. Well, most of my clients are a little weird.
I spot the little kitty...No, Changmin on my way out. He sits in the hall with the bedsheets wrapped over his naked body and then and there he reminds me of myself. He looks even younger in the pale light of the many lamps and it breaks my heart for a second. Just for a second though, then he glares at me with those black eyes of his and my heart is back to normal. He looks so lost and perhaps he is. I force myself not to care. I have my own stuff to look after. I can't be the good guy. I'm just not capable of being the good guy... I tried... but being the good guy always had me heart-broken in the end. Like the thing with Tibor....
And then I'm outside and the rain starts to soaks my hair. The rain always leaves me with melancholia all over my heart and perhaps that's the reason why I want to go back inside, slap the old man and run away with the little lost kitty. Why is that? Is it because I see myself in him? Even if it's just a little... he reminds me of my younger self. The younger me, that stood in the cold, shivering and looking cheap, wanting to be bought. Ah, that's fucking pathetic...
And perhaps... just perhaps it's just that it's raining and he's so fucking pretty. I have to get home...

a/n: I'm posting this chapter up now because tommorow I'll be busy²³²³² just like the whole week following the monday...
so the second chapter might be delayed but... yeah I don't know yet... I'll try~
I have a beta now so can't blame me for my mistakes xD [uhm.... yeah, you can since I made them in the first place]
I'm dead tired so excuse my [possibly] poor english... [but hell! this concert was most likely one of the best in my whole life]
anyways comment if you like it... and comment if you don't like it too but then you'd have to write why exactly you don't like it and stuff xD

THANKS *bows*

the boy with the dead dog | prologue

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 11:34:08 GMT

TITLE: The boy with the dead dog.
LENGHT: chaptered | prologue
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaemin (main), Jaeho (in one of the later chapters | one-sided), Yoosu (later), mentions of Jaechun, mentions of Jaejoong x Tibor, Changmin x rich, old man (could be pretty disgusting...)
RATING: PG-13 to NC-17
WARNING: language, violence, angst-y Jaejoong, clichees en masse, no seme/uke dynamics and of course lots of sex
GENRE: romance, smut, action
SUMMARY:
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.

Prologue

I stir the coffee with my spoon. Round and round and round and round.
The café is dimmly lit and I can't make out faces but I know that they're looking at me annoyed. I don't really care.
So I just continue to plunge my spoon through the black liquid and observe the tiny waves it makes in my mug. It looks like a tiny sea of black water. The coffee's too hot, I know that.
But i gulp it down. It rolls down my throat and burns its path there. It hurts and I can't supress the tears that form in my eyes. Fucking tears. I'm in no position to cry.
I wanted it. I wanted it to burn and to hurt because that's way better then the taste of sperm in my mouth and the knowledge that it is not from the person I love. I don't even have a person I love. I have people I like but love... that's a word far too big for me.
I'm not the best friend in the world and I'm not a good lover. To be exact I would probably be the worst lover ever known to menkind. I'm a whore... or call-boy if you want to know the exact term. I don't hear that term as often as 'whore' though so I'll just say whore. I sleep with men for money. That's what I do.
And guess what? I wouldn't want it any other way. It's easy to make enough money for a living. Or as easy it is to suck of one of the riches a day. Sometimes two a day. It pays off and okay, perhaps I don't really like it but I don't hate it either. It's just your typical job.
It's far better than what I did before. Know prostitution? It's a long and tragic story but in short:
Once there was a little boy who grew up with a loving mother, a crazy sister and a dog called Benny. And his father, who was one of the richest guys in the fucking whole country. The boy liked his father, and the father liked his little boy and it's really not like in all the stories you read. He didn't beat the boy up as a stress-reliever and he didn't fuck him as a stress-reliever either. (Now you know that I'm not your typical uke...) That boy was me. The one with the happy life and the happy dog.
But then the boy (or me as you know now) noticed something about himself. And that was that he never grew out of the 'girls have cooties'-phase because he, tragically and shockingly, didn't like girls but boys. Yes, the little boy was a fag and because that rips apart the whole image of a happy boy with a happy dog in a happy house with a happy, grinning sun in the corner. He wasn't that happy anymore. And he wasn't that little anymore either.
And because he wasn't little and he was mature enough not to slit his wrist (or mature enough not to die because of that) he went on with his life and didn't tell anyone. He wanted to keep his happy dog and live in his happy house with his happy life forever. It didn't go that way.
The mind is strong but the flesh is weak. And the boy's schoolmate was fucking hot. Eventually the boy's father found out and sent his boy far far away from any gay influences. His son would never be gay. Never ever and no way in hell! But the boy's father was wrong. His son was gay and that wasn't exactly the end of the story although it could've been.
But the boy wouldn't have been the boy if he didn't go one step too far. Always one step too far. The boy went to study art. Yes, art of all things! He knew he wouldn't make money but he didn't care either. He wanted to get away from his unhappy family, his unhappy house and his unhappy life. (His happy dog had died a happy death of old age.) And the boy moved to Seoul on his own and all alone.
At university he didn't really study but party a lot more. On one of those parties he came in contact with drugs and that was... like the point where his whole life went down the drain. Drugs meant also lack of money for other things what meant lack of confidence what meant more drugs and then the fuck for money in the back of a night-club wasn't that far away. The boy became your typical drug-addicted prostitute who walked the streets everyday for the next fix. Except that he was prettier than your typical drug-addicted prostitue and then someday a guy with the name Tibor came and made him a call-boy for the rich and famous. Or not so famous but at least they were rich.
So nothing much has changed... I'm still a prostitute but the term for my job has changed and I don't fuck for drugs anymore. Yeah, I'm clean now thanks to Tibor, my rescuing angel. Pfff... rescuing angel but yeah I can say that Tibor is most likely the only guy I ever loved. He showed my that I was not made to be a lover although I had a good time with him and I bet he enjoyed fucking his pretty stray-dog too.
Anyways now I fuck the riches and it's still filthy and all the other things one could say but, hell, it's not that bad when there is caviar and the right amount of expensive wine.
I gulp down the rest of my too hot coffee, pay and wander the streets for a while before I have to go and earn my money. I listen to the rain and can't quite shake the feeling that something might happen sometime soon. But those feelings usually go away after a while and most of the times nothing happened.
In one of the many shop windows I see a little boy, a pretty stray-dog with his black hair framing his delicate face, sensual lips and a cute nose. He isn't girly but he isn't manly and that's what drives his clients crazy with want. Or maybe it is that he looks undenieable sexy.
I like how I look... most of the time at least. Of course I know the things on my body and face I don't like but I also know that most of the people would want to sleep with me and hey, that's what I am for, ne?
And then it's time to go and I have to say Goodbye to Jaejoong I leave him standing at the corner, put on my mask and change my name and then I'm ready. I'm the whore for the rich and not the little unhappy boy with the dead dog or "Jaejoong" anymore.

author's comment:
a new chaptered fic Ö_Ö
wow! I'm gonna update this one weekly I promise!
I've made plans for every chapter... nothing can go wrong... I hope Ö_Ö
anyways...

Comments please! ^0^

something like a loveletter

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 00:26:58 GMT

TITLE: something like a loveletter [letter 6]
LENGHT: eurr... fic-chain?
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho
RATING: ... don't know but sex is mentioned [in a very strange way]
GENRE: crack and fluff?

letter 1 by me
letter 2 by joongielover
letter 3 by lucy_loveless
letter 4 by joongielover
letter 5 by erinastrid

Yo Yunho!

You just hugged me so thight I thought my rips would break.
~~In a really perverted and strange way I liked it.~~
Ouch!

I'll forgive you this one time but only because I'm so giddy I'm jumping around the room at the moment.
Yeah really! You should see Junsu's scared look...
It's hilarious!

back to topic:
I'd friggin' love to go on a date!
~~Oh God what am I going to wear??~~

I'm a bit worried though... about you wanting to errr... do the naughty to me~
Is that really what our relationship is based on?
I mean we haven't even talked... since I found your letter!
Yeah we're conversing through letters and I doubt that's the way we should keep it...
Especially because the people at the restaurant (yeah I decided that already) might shoot us some weird glances if we keep swapping notes over the table... you know?
And you always write about eur... making love to me...
~~Hell, I'd like!~~ but I think we'll have to muster up the courage to talk to each other before we do... things like that.
Let's talk! Right now and afterwards you get to 'you-know-what' me... <- not something I'd write

Feel free to ignore this letter... It's just that I'm extremely happy and hyper!
Oh God! What am I going to wear? HUH?
What are you going to wear? I want a matching outfit!
Make sure you don't look to hot or I might jump you...
~~I think that's a pretty hard task because you always look so hot.~~

Yunho, you're the hottest dork who's wandering on the face of earth!

Just wanted to say that...

Can I write it once again? Just because I want to?

I LOVE YOU!

Wiiii~ I'm off spazzing now~

Baibai
JJ

PS: Wait... I have to check on your outfit and match mine I don't have time to spazz about you! OH NO!

GRAB A SPOT AND CONTINUE THE CHAIN [if you like]

Want is not enough...

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:58:14 GMT

TITLE: Want is not enough...
LENGHT: one-shot
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaeho only~
RATING: errr... PG?
GENRE: sliiiiiiiiiiiiight angst [just a tiny tiny tiny bit perhaps?]
WORDCOUNT about 260 word [yupp... pretty short]
SUMMARY: Jaejoong's thoughts on His and Yunho's relationship.

Sometimes it seems like the wind is whispering your name and the clouds form your face in the sky.
Those are the times that it's hard for me to ignore... this.
This that is between us. It is but it shouldn't be...
I know you want me... I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your words and feel it in your touch.
To say I didn't want you as much would be a complete lie.
But it can't be and never will.
Maybe that's just life... That's how it is.
We're so close yet so distant. Will it always be like that?
I know you don't want this 'thing' to change anything. That's why you struggle and struggle and struggle out of my hold.
You don't want my selfishness to affect because I can't pretend that there's nothing when there is.
It shows... In so many ways.
In the way you scream at me for invading your personal space while dancing because you're afraid.
In the way you push me away when I want to hug you because you don't want to show your weaknesses.
In the way you avoid to look at me because you know you want.
And I want you too...
But that's how life is...
Like my elementary-teacher once said:
"You have to fight! Wanting is not enough!"
Although she spoke of my maths skills that time I still think she's right.
Wanting is not enough but I won't fight because I'm afraid of loosing.

untitled | ONE-SHOT

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:48:28 GMT

TITLE: untitled
LENGHT: one-shot ?
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: Jaejoong/Yunho
RATING: PG... errr?
GENRE: I really don't know... kinda romance
SUMMARY: Yunho is an artist but he can't seem to think of anything that is worth painting so he suffers the life of an artist, whose paintings have no soul nor feel. He badly needs an inspiration or his life in the new city will be over and he'll have to come back to his father who'll force him to take over a big company and to live the life of a boring businessman.
Yunho is now on the quest to find the ultimate muse for himself. Who would've thought this muse would turn out be such a wonderous someone?
AUTHOR'S NOTE If you read it and think: 'Hey, that sounds nothing like 'when the sun sets' then you're right. I tried something new and... better? We'll have to see... UNBETA'ED

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock. The time passed by. Lazy and slow. Another moment of my life that would never get back like it was now. Another moment of my life that I waisted away like it was nothing but time.
Time wasn't there to be waisted. It was there to be used in a way that made one happy and content. It was not there to be used as I used it: Sitting around and thinking my frustrating thoughts.
'What am I going to do? What about the future? I don't want to go back home! I don't want to leave this apartment! I don't want to live a life I don't enjoy!' Those kind of thoughts.
Sighing I stood up and made my way to the wall opposite from me and my comfortable armchair. The one with the stains all over it and the goose-pattern. A gift from my grandma.
I ran my hand over the blank canvas standing right next to another blank canvas standing right next to another blank canvas standing right next to one of my ugliest paintings ever.
A woman in a red dress holding out a rose in her frail, white hands. I didn't even remember what the inspiration for this painting had been. It was meaningless and quite corny too.
Yeah, inspiration. That was what I needed so badly I would've killed for it. It had left a month ago and since then all I had painted had seemed lifeless and soulless. Like I was becoming more and more.
I spend my days sitting in my atelier in the stained armchair, staring at my blank canvas. Staring at my blank mind.
Why was that I couldn't paint something awesome. Something new, the world had never seen or if god couldn't entrust me the task of a worldmoving painting than at least something that was beauiful and not ridiculous like all the paintings I seemed able to produce.
I badly needed inspiration. I needed a muse. A breathtaking muse that would help me out of this mindtrap I was currently in. My mind had completly blocked my creativity off and I knew why.
I was afraid. The saturday the month before my dad had called me and wished me luck in the new city.
My dad had never wished me luck nor had he called in all the five months I had already been to Seoul.
Well he had not called to wish me luck but to inform me of his plans: If I didn't have the strength to live in Seoul on my own and from the profit I made with my art I would have to come back and take over the work of my father.
I didn't want to be a boring businessman who's only meaning was to earn money for a family that hated him because he was never home and a wife that didn't love him. With the wife-thing there was another problem: I was gay. Yupp.. Into guys. Not into girls. Girls were nice... to talk to but for the bed and for kissing I prefered guys.
I couldn't help myself but think that a beautiful guy perhaps would help my creaitvity flow again. Like the time was flowing away and out of my grasp.

Where did I find a beautiful boy who was willing to act as my muse? It seemed someone like this didn't exist and the fact that I didn't really know what 'acting as my muse' meant didn't help either.
I had looked for inspiration in clubs, parks, cafes everywhere but I could seem to find were guys that perhaps deserved the adjective 'beautiful' but also the adjectives 'dumb' and 'not interesting'. Muses weren't supposed to be 'dumb'.
And there I was...In the middle of a club. The beat of the music pulsated around me like dust and the lights were the only things that woke me from my trance from time to time. Trance. Either I was in thought or I was dancing like there was no tommorow. My whole body covered in my sweat and the sweat of the strange writhing creaures dancing around me.
My head felt like it was somewhere up there... on the ceiling between the brightly colored headlights, that bathed the dancefloor in a multimillion shades of green, red, blue and yellow. Up there were the music didn't quite reach and it was dark, dusty and quiet.
It was astounding that in the middle of a chaos like this of so many bodys in a discotheque such a place could exist, unnoticed from most people that came there for a drink, a bit of fun, loosening up in the rare hours of free time between running from one place to another, piling work, speaking to people one didn't like and wouldn't ever meet again. But I knew about those places. Up on the ceiling of a bustling discotheque, in a windy back-alley of a big building flooded with people. I knew about the quiet places that one could find if he looked for them.
I knew about them but sometimes I needed to be in the middle of the crowd. Sometimes I sought the presence of humans with all their ambitions and dreams playing in their heads. I loved people. I loved and hated them at the same time.
I hated them for being selfish, shallow, ignorant, intolerant and opressive. I loved them for thinking, feeling and loving. I was quite obsessed with the human nature and its originalities. That was why I needed a muse. A human, who would inspire me. Maybe any other artist would have been inspired by a beautiful landscape or an exciting topic. I needed a human. It was in my nature.

The night drew to a close and I had talked to and danced with hundreds of people. A few of them had seemed quite interesting but after a while I had come to the realization that not a single one of them was the way I hoped they would be. I didn't have an exact image of my muse in my head but it wouldn't be someone that talked before thinking. It would have to be the other way round.
Maybe a discotheque full of drunk or at least tipsy people wasn't the right place to look for someone like that but one could only hope. When it happened... it happened. When it didn't... Bad luck!
A boy came stumbling to the bar and ordered a water. He seemed exhausted from dancing too much. His long, black hair was stringy from the heat on the dance floor and his mouth was slightly open to take in tiny gulps of air. His lips were red like blood, his hair hanging slightly in front of them and framing his pale but unique sculpted face.
To me he seemed like a modern version of snow-white. An unhappy girl, always clinging to the slightest sign of love from her stepmother, believing every word she says and then... ending up corrupted and spoiled from hatred and admiration. In the end of the snow-whites story she made her stepmother dance in red hot shoes until she died in front of all the guests that attended her wedding.
I was quite interested in this guy, who seemed to make me think such deep and twisted thoughts. I couldn't get my hopes high but it was worth a try.
He turned his head at me and threw me an irritated glance. Staring wasn't one of my usual tactics to get to know someone but that was all I could do that moment. His eyes drew me in: They were dark and didn't seem to fit into my image of him: The innocent, pure boy who was not aware of his effect on the people around him. His eyes knocked my whole image of him on the head.
There was something about this boy that made me want to explore his thoughts, his dreams, his past even. I suddenly wanted to find out why he was the way he was and what he thought about things. All that although I didn't even know what way he really was.
"Wanna take a picture?" he mumbled and rolled his eyes. The water he had ordered finally served its purpose and was gulped down his thirsty throat. "Maybe I would..." was the answer he got from me after a little while of pondering. Now I could tell him that I was an artist perhaps we would get into a talk... I wanted to talk to him. Even if it was just for a little while...
His presence excited me and I just knew he wasn't one of the persons that would bore me after a little while. He seemed so... special to me.
But seemingly I didn't excite him as much as he did me. His right eyebrow shot up as he looked at me quizzicaly. "What? Is this one of your typical pick-up lines?" His pretty lips pursed into a motion of distaste. "Let me tell you... It doesn't work..." He was pretty cocky I noted. That was something I wouldn't have expected from him. Also... on second glance he didn't seem that pretty... His eyes were too small, his nose was too flat, his lips too thin and his face too pale.
"I'm an artist... I paint people..." I shot back. "I didn't want to pick you up... You just seemed..." There were too many words floating around in my head like a whirlwind: pretty, innocent, beautiful, exhausted... "... You reminded me of snow white."
On third glance his small eyes were nicely shaped, his nose was pretty cute, his lips had an alluring shade of red and his pale face crontasted with his dark eyes in a very unique way. And then there was another description for him: sexy.
"Snow white? And you say it's not a pick-up line?" "It's not... snow white was pathetic. She believed in everyone around her just like that and in the end she was fooled. Then... out of anger and frustration she killed her stepmother. Revenge isn't one of the most beautiful motives. Especially not to torture someone to death in front of the people who came to your wedding. To be called snow white is not a compliment."
Slowly, like a melting ice-cube, the boys expression changed. From sceptical to interested. His brows sank down to their normal position above his dark eyes, with their lids that seemed to get heavier and heavier judging by the way they drooped. Those fire-red lips were pressed together and formed a thin, bloodless line. I mourned the loss of their color.
Suddenly his eyes shot up. Intense, black orbs bored into my light-brown colored. "I'm Jaejoong. And I'm not like fucking snow white." He said with a firm tone in his voice, that surprised and shocked me a bit. He talked back. I had expected him to turn around and go. I knew he wasn't like snow white. It had just been my first impression of him...
"Yeah, I know... and I'm Yunho." I said and smiled. He knitted his brows like he didn't understand. "So why did you stare at me? If you know I'm not like snow white and what the hell has that to do with your painting-hobby?"
I didn't like it when people called my art a 'hobby'. That always left a foul aftertaste on my tounge. Like it was just a pastime until I found a 'real' job like taking over business in my father's company. Painting wasn't a pastime. It was my passion, my downfall? Perhaps... But I wanted to make money with my paintings and not live a boring life like my father did... Even if that was a foolish dream... It was a dream. I didn't want to lose the ability to dream... Was that selfish?
"It's not a hobby... It's my passion." His eyebrow shot up once more. "Passion...I see..." he said disbelieving. "You don't seem like a passionate person. I think you would totally suck at painting." Was that a challenging glimmer I saw in his eyes? "I don't suck at painting... I could paint you and you'd see..."
Fidgeting with his long, lean fingers he closed his eyes. Mine drooped to his long legs clad in back tight denim and his broad, manly chest. He wasn't only interesting. He was very beautiful too. I caught a glimpse of his white, long neck, touched by his black, almost light-absorbing hair and suddenly I wished that he wasn't just interested in my art but also in me. He was... something I wouldn't meet in a long time.
"Okay. Paint me and we'll see... Are you prepared?" "What? Right now?" My eyes widened in shock. The thought of painting something right this moment scared me. I didn't feel like I would be able to produce something as breath-taking and unique as my model was. It would just be soulless and lifeless again and I would disappoint not only him but myself too. He was inspiring but I didn't feel like I could do it.
On the contrary it was a once in a lifetime chance. Usually I didn't work with models but perhaps talking to him while he modeled would help... He was interesting after all.

In the still of the night my atelier was creepy. The bright moon shone through one of the big windows bathing the whole, almost completly empty room into a blue-ish light. In spite of the blue, cold light the room was warm. I was used to the the cold-looking but surpirisingly warm rooms
I spent more time in my atelier than in my apartment after all. Trying to grab a piece of inspiration. Hoping I would be able to paint it down immideatly. And make some money... Perhaps these materialistic thoughts blocked my creativity... Instead of thinking 'I have to make money or I'll starve' maybe I would have had to think 'I have to paint something or I'll not be satisfied'.
Jaejoong stood in the middle of the room staring at all the sickeningly white canvases. While doing so he slowly slid out of his jacket revealing even more smooth, pale skin that seemed nearly as white as my canvases in the blue moonlight.
I turned the lights on and walked over to my workplace. "Take a seat." I said and pointed towards the ugly, stained armchair. I almost expected him to refuse and ask for something better to sit on but he just shrugged and sat down. On the ugly armchair with the many stains on it.
"So... that's where you work?" he asked a pointless question. One could obviously see that the atelier was my only workplace seeing it was messy, dirty and stuffed. I nodded my head yes. "It's cool..." he noted, letting his gaze wander over the whole room. "You think?" "Yeah... seems like a creative battlefield..." He grinned, teeth flashing. 'Battlefield' was a appropriate name for my atelier. "It is a battlefield... The battlefield of my thoughts." I said grinning back at him.
Then the silence engulfed us. My nervously shaking hands grabbed a canvas and placed it on the easel in front of me. Now there was no turning back.

After making the preparatory drawing I started to slowly and carefully apply the oil paint on the canvas. Of course I wouldn't just draw my models outer appearance. No, my goal was to portray his inner appearance or in other words: everything that made him the person he was. Feelings, opinions and everything in between. I listened to him as he told me about all that pacing from one side to the other.
He was too hot-blooded to sit in the chair for such a long time, he had said so I tried to ignore that he was making me nervous and went on with my painting.
The creaking of my wooden floor soon blended with Jaejoongs stories of his cats. That was why I didn't notice him coming up to me. "How does it look?" he asked. His voice so near me startled me and made me grab my canvas in a protective hold.
"You shouldn't see it. Not yet..." His eyebrows shot up. "Why not? Does it look that ugly?" His eyes shifted to the back of the canvas as if he could see through it if he just tried. But even if he would've had the ability to look through the canvas the only thing he would've seen would've been my chest.
Another span of silence stretched through the room. Wasting away time...
The clock ticked away. Yes, wasting away time was all seemed to do. But somehow it was okay, when Jaejoong stood by my side and watched me as if looking for something only he could see.
To my surprise I didn't feel uncomfortable but strangely calm.
"Hey..." He said all of a sudden. "I want to kiss you."
He didn't seem nervous and neither was I. My lips met his a few seconds later.
They tasted like smoke and felt dry and heated. They reminded me of club-nights spent in the middle of a huge crowd dancing like there was no tommorow. Of alcohol, of cigarettes and of waking up in the bed of a stranger.
Perhaps, I thought, he was snow white gone wild. Or snow white gone modern.
And as I felt his tongue on my lower lip I had another thought.
I would complete my drawing of him sometime in the future. It felt like snow white had found his prince... as cheesy as that sounded.

so... what do you think?
I originally wnated to make this one-shot smut..ish just to practice.
But I kinda couldn't make it smut. I just wrote and wrote and wrote...
So this came out of it all...
I don't know but the end seems kinda off to me..
That's why I think of writing another piece in this theme... or even a sequel...

oh yeah... the title was 'snow white gone wild' but I... don't like it so now it's untitled.
anyways...

Please let me know what you think of it. Thanks!
(and of course let me know if I made any mistakes using the english language... I feel like i did...)

when the sun sets | CH. XXI

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 20:12:46 GMT

TITLE: when the sun sets
LENGHT: chaptered | 22 chapters
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: BenJae [Benjamin x Jaejoong], JunHye ? [Junsu x Jihye], JaeHo ? [Jaejoong x Yunho]
GENRE: rooftopfluff, confusion, boysex... pretty much everything xDD
SUMMARY: Yunho and Jaejoong meet on a rooftop and become friends....but but but and and and then? xD [I suck at summaries...-_-]

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 6.5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

It's been two month since Benjamin left. And nothing has changed! Goddamnit! Why?
I thought everything would be okay... No! Better! But as always I was wrong.
The relationship between me and Jaejoong is still on a amicable basis. I thought winning over Jaejoong would be a peace of cake... I was wrong... O how I was wrong...
It's driving me insane!
How he always blocks out all my advances and acts like nothing ever happened...
On the other hand we do a lot of things together now. Like going to the cinema and stuff...
It's fun but somehow I want more... I can understand that he's not ready to have a new boyfriend yet but why can't he at least say that?
The situation now is far more frustrating than that...
I know he doesn't want to hurt me but always backing of so that I get the impression he doesn't like me does hurt even more...
It's as if it's my fault and he just doesn't want me... I mean if he'd say that he just isn't ready for a new relationship I would at least have the assurance that he doesn't want any guy by his side...
That would lessen my doubts because I do have doubts.
Are his feelings for me gone? Was it just a crush?
Well on my side it isn't just a crush or else I wouldn't be this... desperate for every little touch and every little glance.
But really? Turns out it's been just a crush after all this trouble we went through?
I would be pissed off. Not just that... I would also be really really sad.
Is it really like that? I hope it's not but the way things are right now it's all I can think of...

We went to the cinema to watch a movie. Some lovestory-thing...
A normal guy would think... lovestory = making out. But that's not how Jaejoong thinks.
At least not when I'm with him...
And we didn't even talk about normal things. No, Jaejoong just had to mention Benjamin.
It's not like I don't like this guy (because Hey! He officialy gave me the permission to be with Jaejoong and he's really not that bad of a person...) but...
I guess it's just that Jaejoong talks about him. When for example Yoochun talks about Benjamin I don't mind.
"Benji called." Jaejoong said. He even calls him Benji... "He said he's fine and everthing is good in America. He gets a lot of deals with big companys." Oh... nice... how not-interesting.
"Perhaps he will smile down on us from the facades of the skyscrapers next time we're in the middle of Seoul." Jaejoong chuckled. I really didn't know what's so funny about your ex staring down at you from a big banner... Really...
"So he is succesful over there?" I asked. Not really out of interest but merely out of the need to aks. Not to ask would've been rude.
"Oh yeah! I'm so happy for him!" He really seemed happy so I faked a smile too and tried out a not-so-enthusiasitc "Me too."
The smile he shot me back was a smile that was worth lying for. And... Yes, I know I sound like a sucker!
"You're a really nice guy..." He noted. A nice guy... Great! I'm a nice guy and Benji is a succesful hot model in the states... Damnit!
Do you now get what I mean when I say frustrating?
"Well... Yes, I am... I guess..." I tried out another smile but it seemed awfully misplaced on my face. Jaejoong didn't notice.
The movie turned out to be completely boring and uneventful. But I was used to 'uneventful'.
Nothing really happened in my little world. It was like running in a circle...

The day after that something happened. Well it's nothing compared to what me and Jaejoong already did but...
We kissed. I know... It's nothing but I was waiting for it so long that it now seems like a big big relief.
Even though he was drunk. Don't they say that drunks always tell the truth?
Jaejoong didn't say anything but...
It was Yoochun's Birthday party. Everyone was drunk except for me. Seems like my alcohol-tolerance is pretty high. I never knew...
Yoochun and Junsu did some kind of table-dancing on the kitchen-table while Changmin just lay on the floor and stared at some 'swirling spots' as he said.
Jaejoong half-sat and half-lay beside me.
It was a party just for the five of us because as I had had the feeling before we just fit. I wouldn't call it fate but sometimes I think it was. Now we're the 'fantastic five' or something like that.
Does a bunch of idiots like us really need a name?
Jinhye was not present. She was at home with a really bad cold. She and Junsu were going out now.
They made a very pretty (and also very loud) couple and I was happy that my sister had chosen Junsu instead of some other guy I didn't know and perhaps didn't like.
Just as I thought Jaejoong had fallen asleep he rose from his sprawled position and looked at me.
Then he moved his body towards me and pressed his lips to mine.
It was a drunk kiss. Slippery and wild.
But I liked it because it was Jaejoong who was kissing me so fiercely.
His lips were just as soft as I remembered. And he was just as skilled as he was when he wasn't drunk.
With the forthcoming of his tounge all my thoughts vanished. I couldn't think...
Why was he doing this? How drunk was he? And what about my pride?
To desperately cling to him and his mouth was not what one would call proud.
But that came later. The thoughts.
Then and there it was just me and the beautiful boy in my arms. He and his hot, skilled mouth.
Oh god... What was going on?

A kiss is a kiss is a kiss, right? Even if it was a drunk kiss. Even if Jaejoong doesn't remember...
Does he? As always... I don't know what he feels, remembers or thinks... I don't know anything about him.
He didn't give me the impression as if he felt the need to explain something... Maybe that's just an act but I doubt it.
Jaejoong had never been good at acting. He told me... In 5th grade his teacher had forced him to act as a tree in the 'snow white' play. Because he wasn't good enough to be the 'snow white' (although I think Jaejoong is the incarnation of snow white) and because his teacher wanted him to war this brown-green ugly costume with the branches on the head. She hated him... Or so he told me...
Back to topic. He's not good at acting. And he's not good at lying either...
So he probably really doesn't remember the kiss. I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a soap opera that will never end and therefore repeat the same old plotline over and over again. Yeah... the plotline...
Isn't it like I'm starting from zero again?
Everyone is in love. My sister is... with Junsu, one of my best friends. Changmin is...with this girl from the coffee shop. Even my mum is! With this big, ugly guy from out of hell... I don't like him... I mean it's not like he's the worst person on this planet but... he's screwing my mum and that's enough to creep me out. Let's say... I just don't like him.
I don't like the whole situation...

It's not Yunhos fault... Really... It's mine.
I'm too anxious to make a move on him. He tries and tries to get my attention and doesn't notice that my attention is on him all the time... He doesn't even have to try.
I'm waiting for the day, the minute, the second he just goes and grabs me.
Because I am too afraid of it... I know I am a selfish bastard and I know all I do is just a pain to him.
That's why I tried out the 'drunk kiss'-action. On Yoochun's birthdayparty...
Everyone was drunk so it noone noticed that I was just a bit tipsy. Lucky for me...
My alcohol-tolerance had never been high but on that day I was so nerve-wracked that I just knew I shouldn't drink too much. Or else I would've ended up crying my eyes out...
I ended up kissing Yunho as if there was no tommorow.
God, I had craved for that kiss the whole time. Why didn't he just grab and kiss me?
I even played the 'jealous-trick'. Always talking about Benji... And what happened?
He complimented him... He complemented my ex!
I wouldn't call that the perfect way to flirt... Make a move, Yunho!
Wait... Why am I just waiting for him to do something? I could as well... just...
Gah! No, I'm too afraid... I'm behaving like a school-girl.
'insert baaaaaaaaad words here'

I was at home trying to relax a bit and let my thoughts fly out of the window.
Yoochun had slept over because he was too drunk to go home and my room looked like a complete mess. Like an elephant had run through it or something...
I didn't really care because I'm not that kind of person that can only relax when everything is tidied up...
More of the opposite. If there's no chaos I won't relax. Never.
It's not like I love chaos but a room without chaos is lifeless. And I don't like things that are lifeless.
Yunho is full of life. I doubt he know but every single one of his emotions can be seen on his face... Not like me...
Yoochun always says I'm the 'ice prince'... I think he's right...
I'm too cold towards people around me.
I got up from my position on the floor and walked over to the mirror. My face stared back at me.
No expression... Black hair, white skin, red lips... Yunho said that I look like snow white...
Snow white was said to be a beautiful and kind person... The face staring back at me from the mirror didn't look kind...
It looked like it was about to murder someone. I tried to twist the corner of my mouth upwards. It didn't look like a warm smile... a cold smile is the only thing I can place on my lips.
The dark spots under my eyes didn't exactly compliment my beauty either... I looked like a half-dead mass-murderer.
Yeah, I'm pretty good at wallowing in self-pity.
The doorbell rung and I immideatly stepped away from the mirror as if the image of myslef burned my eyes.
I was home alone so who could it be?
Well... All my friends had taken up the habit of coming around uninvited so I wasn't really that surprised.
Maybe Yoochun... He loved to look after me and feel like a big daddy. I knew it had to do less with me than the hot girls that loved to hear the stories about Yoochun rescuing his friend from suicide...
Not that I ever attempted suicide. That was just the tiny extra-spice in Yoochuns story.
I certainly shoould've hit him the first time I heard that story... but I didn't have enough power and those girls...
Who cared about them? Most of them never got to know me anyways.
It wasn't Yoochun standing there... It was Changmin. Although Changmin was the only one of the 'fantastic five' [yupp that name was Junsu's idea...] that didn't have a really strong bond to anyone in the beginning he had grown to be the one everyone trusted in the end. Or not the end but right this time he was the one everyone told their problems.
Me included. Changmin was one of the best listeners. He nodded every few seconds to show that he understood, aksed a few questions and lifted your mood when you needed it. He also knew when to shut his pretty little mouth.
And now he was there. Why wallow in self-pity if you can get the pity from Changmin?
I let him in throwing him a 'hello' and led him to my room. It's really rare for this house to be this quiet.
Usually there are eight teenage-girls and young women stumblind around the house and doing god know what...
Changmin sat down beside me in front of the mirror and said... nothing. He waited for me to begin. Did I mention that this guy just knew what to do?
"Do you think I should do something?" I asked him. He gave me a quizzical look. To read someones thoughts is not in the range of what Changmin can do.
"About Yunho...I mean..."
"Ah! Jae, i think you already did something... I mean... the party?"
So he knew... Oh god... "What do you mean?" I asked although I already knew what he would say.
"Come on, Jae! You threw yourself at him... Just do it once more!" Changmin said with too much enthusiasm.
I just stared at him? What did he want me to do? Throw myself at Yunho? God forbid!
I wanted to ask him why, what, when, how, what in heavens name but he quickly explained.
"Jooooongie!" He whined like a little child. "He fucking liked it~ He practically melted in your arms damnit! There's nothing to worry about. Just talk to him and my God! Let him throw himself at you if you're to much of a sissy to do it yourself..."
Although I choked on air and soon lay on the ground coughing like an idiot I thought 'Why not? Worrying is not cool...'

I met Yunho on the rooftop. Again... I told him I wanted to watch the sunset with him like we did when we met.
The place on the roof, bathed in red sunlight felt nostalgic and as if it had been years since we last stood there.
In fact everything was not so far in the past... Whatever...
I just stood there and felt. Yunho standing right beside me. Our arms touched by the elbow and it was as if a fire went right through my bones. It was not the same as the situation in the beginning.
Not at all.
The sun sank in the most bright colors I had ever seen and I wondered if there was a special meaning to that beauty. I decided no... Beauty was useless and had no meaning at all.
What had a meaning was the guy by my side. I wanted to clear things up.
I wanted to talk to Yunho...
He talked first. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked.
I was beginning to hate this kind of talk. Always avoiding to talk about the things that really mattered.
"Yeah..." I couldn't get myself to do what I wanted to do... Yunho was not ready... It would take him by surprise and then perhaps he wouldn't answer me.... It was just not the right moment!
"You're more beautiful..." he said.
I wanted to tell him that that sounded corny and that I didn't like that. That he was lying and that he should stop because it was no good.
I didn't. I did what Changmin advised me to do: I threw myself at him.
Well... I pressed my lips to his, snaked my arms around his neck and kissed him.
He was so surprised he didn't respond to me at all so I let go of him and looked him in the eye.
He was obviously shocked and tried to say something although all he could do was stutter.
His eyes were full of hope pointed towards me as if to say 'That does mean what I think it means, right?'
"Yes, it does mean what you think it means." I said as if I could read his mind.
Changmin had been right. It was easier than I thought. Yunho's eyes were wet with tears and I was amazed that I had such a power over him. To even make him cry...
That was not what I wanted. I did the only thing I could think of: kiss him.
As our tounges meddled in our mouths his tears began to slide down his cheek. The kiss tasted like salt and happines.
It reminded me of Benjamin's last kiss but to my surprise this memory didn't hurt anymore. And now there was Yunho.
He was crying even harder. I didn't know what to do. What could I possibly do?
Warm arms snaked around my waist and pressed me to Yunhos body.
"I love you..." he said. His voice was cracked and raspy and it send shivers down my spine.
Silence. There was the silence again. A comfortable silence just holding each other in the arm.
As the last rays of the sun began to disappear I kissed his ear and finally whispered what he wanted to hear all the time.
"I love you too..."
Then the sun set on us.

when the sun sets | CH. XX

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 20:06:50 GMT

"Admit? What?" I asked.
My thoughts raced in my head like mad and I couldn't graps one of them.
The blue-eyed that held me in his arms cleared his throat.
My head felt so heavy I just had to let it fall on his shoulder and breath in his scent.
It seemed the whole chaos of the past days was too much for me.
I was tired. I wanted to sleep.
I wanted to sleep and when I woke up again I wanted the whole problem to be solved.
It was tiring... so tiring to feel all those feelings at once.
A sigh escaped my lips.
"Are you tired?" Benjamin asked me and all I could do was nod and cuddle closer to him.
But...was he trying to distract me from what he had to admit?
What was it? My curiosity striked me.
I wanted to know although I also was afraid of what Benjamin had to 'admit' at the same time.
That too confused me even more.
Obviously not just my thoughts swirled around but my feelings too.
"I'm tired... but I'm not tired because I didn't get enough sleep. I'm tired because I don't know what's going on with and around me... I just hate that."
I noticed that my voice quivered and wondered... Was it really that hard not to know?
At least half of the population on the planet were in this state every day.
"I know how you feel..." Benji tightened his grip around me.
I felt a bit hemmed in but Benjamins warmth and scent calmed me down.
After a few seconds I hung in his arms like a boneless peace of meat.
"You sure you're not too tired?" He asked me, concern evident in his voice.
"Not really... but I can't sleep anyways if you're not going to say what you were about to say..."
I cuddled my face further to his chest.
"I'll just lie in bed and think and think and think... That's not good for me, you know?"
Benjamins chest trembled as he let out one of his melodic laughs.
I didn't know what was so funny but I also didn't want to ask...
The mood was tense enough.
"I know... That's why I'll say it now..." He cleared his throat again. "I want to break up."
My mouth fell agape and my eyes widened.
All I could think was 'Why?' and the explanation followed right after his statement.
He began to pet my head as he said those words.
"I know you slept with Yunho and it hurt me... but the real reason I'm breaking up with you is not that but me. I love you but I don't desire you anymore. The spark is gone and I think you can feel that too."
Tears began to fall from my eyes. I pushed myself away from him roughly and shot him a look with narrowed eyes.
"No... I can't feel that... It's you who stopped loving me..."
Although I wanted to be angry I was just sad and I couldn't stop the tears from falling.
I had no control over my body.
"NO!" he immideatly retorted. "No... I still love you with all my heart but I don't desire you anymore... I don't know why... I know you're probably one of the most beautiful guys I'll ever meet but... you know... I just don't feel anymore heat when I look at you..."
"You mean you lost the sexual interest, or what?" Gulping down my tears I looked into his eyes.
He was crying just like me and that made me angry.
He had no right to cry.
But then again. I didn't have the right to cry either...
Was there even something like a right to cry?
"Something like that... It's hard to explain... But I know you love Yunho... so..."
He wanted me to be with Yunho?
"No, thank you! Do you think I can just break up and be with someone else? I'm not that kind of guy, Benjamin!"
His full name. I only used his full name when I was angry.
"Nooo~ That was not what I wanted to say..."
Suddenly he let his head hang and moved a hand through his hair.
"I wanted to say... that. That I can't be with you anymore and that I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie to you and I even forgive you for lying to me. Or not saying the truth... Whatever..."
Blue eyes shot up to mine.
"Jaejoong... I mean... Jae... I want you to move on, okay?"
Now I couldn't hold the sobs any longer.
I sank to the floor and pressed my hand to my mouth.
Didn't this guy see that I loved him? That I wanted to be with him?
He just stood there. In the middle of the room and cried silent tears like he always did.
"Benji..." I chocked out between two sobs. "One last kiss?"
I didn't know why I was asking for that.
It would just hurt me even more but I wanted it.
Perhaps to seal my decision with the pain. That could be it.
I'd always had a strange connection of pain and the end of something in my mind.
And right now I wanted to feel the pain as clear as I could.
To end it. Because obviously it had to end...
To my surprise he nodded and sank to hes knees in front of me.
I closed my eyes as his hands touched my cheeks, that were now wet from tears.
Our last kiss tasted salty like tears and also bittersweet from the certainty that it would be the last one.
I could feel his hands on my face and I knew it would be the last time.
The last kiss with the man I loved for years sealed it.
Now there was no turning back anymore.
Not for him anymore. I wanted to turn back but I couldn't.
Benjamin held me in his arms till I calmed down and didn't cry anymore.
Then he carried me into our bed that wasn't ours anymore from now on.
After he had assured himself that I was sleeping he left the big flat.
As I heard the door slam shut I began to cry again and wondered what had gone wrong.

when the sun sets | CH. XIX

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 20:00:25 GMT

TITLE: when the sun sets
LENGHT: chaptered | 22 chapters
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: BenJae [Benjamin x Jaejoong], JunHye ? [Junsu x Jihye], JaeHo ? [Jaejoong x Yunho]
GENRE: rooftopfluff, confusion, boysex... pretty much everything xDD
SUMMARY: Yunho and Jaejoong meet on a rooftop and become friends....but but but and and and then? xD [I suck at summaries...-_-]

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 6.5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

"Wh..What do you mean?" he stuttered.
His lower lip trembled like a leaf in the wind and his eyes were big and clear, staring at me. Searching for something in my face.
It looked adorable and sad at the same time.
And all I really wanted to do was hug and kiss him... and cry.
Was it my fault that this boy looked so pitiful?
The boy I had admired for his gorgeous smile from the beginning. When Yunho smiled it was like the sun rising.
No... not the sun rising but more like a weight that was taken from my shoulders and let me breath freely again.
Even if it was just for a second... It helped. A lot.
But Yunho wasn't smiling.
He looked like he was about to cry from confusion and frustation. Like a child, that didn't know what else to do.
He needed his answer...
"I mean..." I started and noticed that my voice was surprisingly firm. "I mean... that... I'm not ready for marriage or the thought of being with one person for the rest of my life... I mean... I'm young. Benji's young.... We're both too young to think about marriage and stuff."
I cleared my throat.
"Fact is that I love him but fact is also..." Could I really... just say it... now?
I looked at him as he stood there avoiding to look at me. I didn't know what I'd have done if he'd looked at me.
"Fact is... that I... love you too..."
His head shot up and his eyes met mine. I had to look away.
I wanted to run away. I couldn't withstand his gaze.
Of course he was confused and of course ha doubted it.
What had I expected him to do?
Kiss me? Did I even want him to kiss me?
On one side I did. On the other side I didn't.
Of course I wanted him to hug and kiss me and tell me that everything was okay.
But it was not.
Everything was not okay. And all I did was make it even worse for all parties.
I was just too weak to make it all better.
And I didn't want to loose Benji nor Yunho.
The problem was... I'd have to loose one of them and if I didn't decide sometime soon I would loose both.
I knew... but I couldn't decide?
Why did I have to decide between two boys? Who was I to decide between those two wonderful guys?
I'd thought of just letting fate make the decision but after the nth flip of the coin I gave up.
Then I tried to make lists with the pros and cons of each person but it was to hard for me to decide what was a pro and what was a con.
And by that time I had already noticed that I behaved like a little nerdy schoolboy.
"What do you expect me to do now?" Yunho asked me. His hands were shaking and it seemed like I'd just thrown him into anxiety and terror even more.
"I really don't expect you to do anything... I don't even know what I expect me to do..." I shook my head like I wanted to chase away some thoughts. "I really don't know..."
My lips curled into a weak smile and I knew it was as crooked as it could be.
I saw it in the way Yunho's eyes lowered and he took a deep breath.
"You know... you just made it harder for me to not want you... because... if you didn't love me I could just give up and that would've been it... but now..."
His lower lip began to tremble once again. "I can't... give up on you. That's it... I just can't and that's even more painful than to give you up because... I know Benjamin will always have you and you probably know, too..."
I watched as a silent tear rolled down his cheek and over the lips, he was biting.
Oh no... He was crying... I didn't want him to cry...
Without a second thought I rushed towards him and wiped away the tears on his face with erratic motions.
"No...No...No... Don't cry..."
I almost didn't care that I stuttered like a weak child. Inside I was one anyways...
"I can't help it..." he sobbed and it send a pain right into my heart.
I never thought I'd get to see Yunho crying.
The impression he gave me was more like a guy who would not cry... not even to save his life.
My first impression fooled me once again.
That happened pretty often... Maybe I was really too blind to see beneath the surface.
"Then... what do you expect me to do? I hate it to see you this confused..."
Yunho sniffed.
It was like a cut through the air. Like every sound was.
"I don't know... sorry... but... could you please go? I'll call you..."
Surprised I took a step back and looked at him wide-eyed.
On first thought it was not logical... to send me away...
On second thought it was...
I took another step back and nodded.
"Okay... Take your time to think, kay?" The best thing I could do was smile and go, wasn't it?
So I did exactly that...
I waved and smiled. I exited the Jung-house smiling.
And then I began to cry...

Since I didn't have the guts to face Benjamin right away and tell him that I was unsettled about the idea, I met Junsu and Yoochun in an café near Yunho's home.
Originally I had intended on just meeting up with Yoochun but as always... Junsu was everywhere and made friends with everyone.
The two came in as I already sat at a table nursing my coffee.
And to me they almost looked like couple.
Junsu hung on Yoochun's arm giggling like a girl with tears in his eyes.
They seemed to have a lot of fun...
I almost felt guilty for interrupting them...
Almost...
Why did Junsu have to get to know every one of my friends?
First Changmin and now Yoochun? My best friend since like... forever?
Not that I was really angry at Junsu... just a tiny bit pissed...
He seemed to win over everyones heart so easily while I had to struggle and fight for every bit of sympathy.
Why was that?
And how could I envy him?
It was Junsu! Goddamnit!
"Hey Joongie-baby!" Junsu crowed with a big, big grin and placed a kiss on my cheek.
I almost jumped out of my skin and shot Yoochun an questioning look but he just shrugged.
"Yo Jaejoong... What's up? You seem upset..."
That was my Yoochun. He had the abilty to read me like an open book.
So what was the point in hiding anything from him when he already knew anyways...
But Junsu didn't have a clue so... Tell or not tell?
"It's Yunho... am I right?" Junsu asked and once more I was surprised.
Did Yoochun rub off on him? In this short time?
No... that was almost impossible...
On the other side it was Junsu I thought of so... nothing really was impossible.
"Hm..." I gave a short nod and continued to stare into my coffee.
Yoochun sighed. "What did you do? Or he?"
"Yunho's in love with you, right?"
Again... Junsu did know everything... Why was that?
Too much time with Changmin?
"Yeah..." I answered. My coffee was really interesting... so... black... nice...
"So... what's the problem?" Junsu once again interrupted my study of coffee.
"I... kinda..." "...love him too but there's Benji and you love him just like you do Yunho and it's confusing you and you don't know what to do. Well... Joongie-baby... you're lucky to be wanted by two such good guys but who will you choose? I really can't help you... and I think noone can because it's your own decision..."
"Well... yeah... Thanks, Junsu, for summing it up..." My tone was a bit enoyed but Junsu didn't seem to notice (or care).
Before Yoochun could say a word, Junsu began to talk again.
He pointed his finger at my chest and grinned like a mad man.
"...Although I vote for Yunho since i know him better..."
vote? VOTE?!? What the hell was this guy thinking...?
"I vote for Benjamin... Sorry, Junsu!" Yoochung piped in before I could attempt to kill Junsu.
My jaw almost dropped to the floor.
WHAT THE ???
"You two obviously rub off on each other so stop it, please?"
"What do you mean?" The twoo asked me.
Completely in sync... All I could do was roll my eyes.
"See?"
"Okay... okay..." Yoochun nodded and shot me an apologetic look.
"But Junsu's kinda right..." I kindly ignored Junsu's 'seeeeee?'. "This is really your decision... As hard as it may be... but be sure... whatever decision you make... I will approve of it."
He smiled a reassuring smile.
His smiled always cheered me up and gave me strength.
Now too...
"Thank you, Yoochun... I love you..."
Now it was Junsu's turn to jump out of his skin and stare.
"Jae... You know I love you too..."
And right in front of an super-duper-hyper confused (as he himself would've put it) I gave Yoochun a peck on the lips.
I had really missed him.

Later that day I returned home to Benji, the guy I loved for so many years to say 'No'.
It wouldn't be easy and I knew it.
I opened the door. My hands were sweaty and my throat was dry.
Beni sat in the kitchen and he was as beautiful as always.
I loved his blue eyes more than everything in the world.
And I used to think that I loved this man more than everything in the world but then a boy climbed up to me on the roof.
Since then I hed been not so sure anymore...
"Ahhh... There you are..." He greeted me and pulled me into a hug.
He was so warm and smelled so good.
Before I had noticed I had closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.
"Benji... I'm sorry..."
My words only made him hug me tighter and kiss my forehead.
Did he have to make it that hard?
"I'm sorry... but... I'll have to say... No..."
I felt his body freeze. "Wh...What do you mean...?"
What exactly did I mean?
"I mean... I love you... so much... but the marriage-thing... I'll have to say no...I'm sorry..."
A thought came into my mind and I loosened the hug to look into his face.
To my surprise he just smiled with his eyes closed and pulled me into another hug.
"Then... I'll have to admit something too..." he said and I felt my world crumble way under my feet.

when the sun sets | CH. XVIII

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 19:35:06 GMT

TITLE: when the sun sets
LENGHT: chaptered | 22 chapters
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: BenJae [Benjamin x Jaejoong], JunHye ? [Junsu x Jihye], JaeHo ? [Jaejoong x Yunho]
GENRE: rooftopfluff, confusion, boysex... pretty much everything xDD
SUMMARY: Yunho and Jaejoong meet on a rooftop and become friends....but but but and and and then? xD [I suck at summaries...-_-]

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 6.5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Yunho gazed into the sunlight, shining through his window.
The house lay in silent. All he could hear was his breath and the chirruping of some early-morning birds in front of his window.
He'd always liked his room with the big windows.
As he was a little boy he'd sometimes sat in front of the window late at night and stared off into the darkness.
He'd felt so mature and like he could do everything.
It had always been the evenings in which his Dad didn't come home and he couldn't sleep.
His father had been a good-looking storng man but somehow the alcohol had taken it's toll over him.
And at least to Yunho his father didn't seem strong and handsome anymore.
Sometimes he had listened to his mother's breathing.
Sometimes he had listened to his mother's crying.
He could still remember the night his Dad didn't come home at all.
The night he'd run away.
It was just a night like every other night.
His mother had always hoped for him to come back but Yunho had known he wouldn't ever come back the moment he'd stepped into the living room and didn't find his father on the couch with a big hangover, yelling at him.
That wasn't really a good and happy memory but the window, the birds, the nature there had calmed him down as his mother couldn't calm down.
She had thrown plates and pots at him, screaming it was all his fault.
Although she'd never apologized for this, Yunho still knew his mother fellt guilty and was sorry.
He loved his mother.
She'd just been broken-hearted and confused.
And now the window calmed him down once more.
Marrying... How did Benji come up with that?
And why did Jae say yes?
Didn't the two just let out everything they didn't like on each other just two seconds before?
Questions over questions.
It was totally irrational to marry for the two.
Well... love was irrational.
Was it even love?
Yes, it probably was, he thought.
Although he didn't want to think so... Maybe the whole love-thing didn't work for the Jungs.
His mother, himself and... Jihye?
He hoped at least Jihye would find her real love.
In Junsu? or not?
He supposed it didn't really matter as long as Jihye could be happy.
Yunho stared out of the window until he heard his sister stand up and go into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
After a little pondering he, too, got up and followed her.
She stood in front of the counter, whisteling an unknwon tune.
"Morning..." Yunho grumbeled. He'd not have much sleep this night and such happy whisteling in the morning made him kind of sick.
"Oh morning! You're up already? I thought you'd sleep until apocalypse..." Jihye chuckled and waved him over. "Now that you're here you can help me prepare breakfast, right?"
"Yeah... I intented to do so anyways..." Yunho responded covering a yawn with his hand.
Jihye pressed her lips to his cheek and smiled a happy smile.
She had to prepare the breakfast almost every morning because their mother left the house early or was too exhausted on weekends and her brother, Yunho, was a 'lazy bitch' as she said.
"I guess you're not helping me just out of kind-heartedness so what do you want to know from your wise, intelligent and intelectual sister?"
Was he really that bad of a brother?
But she was right in one point and as she already knew, he didn't even try to defent himself but just brought up the question.
"How was your date with Junsu?"
Her motions stopped immideatly as she began to blink in an almost inhuman speed.
"It was..." She blinked again, hesitating. "...fun."
Yunho shot her a skeptical look. "Fun?"
"Yeah..." As if she'd just snapped out ofher surprise, she began to talk in the normal [well... normal for Jihye and Junsu] speed. "It was fun. He was fun. We had a lot of fun together and I really enjoyed the whole date but I'm sure you would've asked earlier if you'd be really interested in it. I guess you just worry because of the... well... kissing at the party, right? Well... Junsu is a nice guy... You should know! He's one of your best friends... Don't worry... I really like him and he likes me and stuff will just turn out right. Was that what you wanted to know?"
A little dumbfounded he answered with a "Yes..." and turned to the breakfast.
"Thank you for caring but I'll do that alone, kay?"
"Kay..."
Again he felt Jihye placing a kiss on his cheek.
"I love you. And...Don't worry Jaejong will love you, too."
How could she say something like that in such a firm voice?
Even he knew it was impossible. It would never happen. Never.
His head, almost automatically, fell into his heands and he took a deep breath.
"I don't know... How can you even say that although his boyfriend just proposed to him? And just a little reminder: He said 'Yes, Benji I will marry you...' Damnit..."
Saying it aloud only made it more real and more painful.
"Yeah... but that was most likely just out of shock or something like that... He didn't seem ready for that and also! Didn't you see how sad he seemed when he looked at you?"
Sad look? When? Where? What the fuck?
Jihye let out a sigh. "So you didn't notice...? You're blind..."
Another sigh.
"Well... It almost seemed as if he didn't want to let you go... Like he just wanted to grab you and run away... I really think he isn't ready for marriage... Because he's in love with you... I don't know about Benji but he's in love with you... Trust me."
Jihye had always had the right view on the world to notice such stuff.
So why did she have to be wrong now?
She had never been wrong in the past so why should she be wrong now?
"Don't worry..." she said again, smiling a reassuring smile for him.
And Yunho put a mental note down, that he probalby had the best sister in the world.

After breakfast Yunho'd returned to his room.
To his place right in front of the window, letting the fresh air in.
He held the phone in his hands.
It had been like this for 15 minutes now but he still couldn't get himself to dial Jaejoongs number.
Would he disturb him?
Would he make him angry?
Was it even okay to disturb him just to ask for the jacket, he'd forgotten the day before at the party?
Wouldn't Benji and Jae be occupied with other things?
Just thinking of the two like this made him sick and sad and... angry.
Angry at himself for being so selfish and anxious.
It was just a goddamn phone-call!
He had to rip himself together and just dial...dial...
With a frustrated groan he threw the phone into one of the corners of his room.
He just couldn't do it.
Yunho, the oh-so-awesome Yunho, couldn't get himself to do a simple phonecall.
Just dialing the number and speak to Jae.
Why did it seem so hard?
Yunho crawled into the corner and took the phone.
Okay... deep breath and just...
RRING
Yunho looked at the phone in his hands, a questioning look on his face.
But it wasn't the phone. It was the doorbell, ringing.
Yunho threw the phone away again and got up to open the door but his sister already stormed out of the room and went to the door.
Yunho picked up the phone again and looked at it as if he was about to hypnotize it and make it dial Jaejoong's number on its own.
Or something like that...
"Yunho...?"
Said almost jumped out of his skin upon hearing Jaejoong's voice coming from the door to his room.
He turned around a little too fast and gaped at the person standing in the doorframe.
Well... How idiotic was that?
"Ah... Jaejoong... You scared me..."
"I noticed that..." Jaejoong said, a smile forming on his lips.
Yunho snapped out of his state and stood up.
"I was about to call you!" He said and held up the phone.
"Oh..." was all Jaejoong had to say.
A long silence ensued between the two of them before Jaejoong spoke up again.
"I brought your jacket..."
"That was actually the reason why I was about to call..." Yunho released a soft chuckled and soon after Jaejoong joined him.
Then the silence fell again.
"Uhm...You know... about... marrying Benjamin... I..."
"It's okay..." Yunho interrupted him and faked a smile, he was sure didn't look as real as he wanted it to be.
"I know what you're about to say..." He continued. "It's okay... I know the sex didn't mean a thing to you and it was just spontanious. I'll take the responsibility for all my actions and you know... It bothers me that you're gonna marry him because I'm really madly in love with you..."
He heard Jaejoong's intake of breath but just continued to talk.
If he didn't say everything now, he wouldn't have the chance to do so later on.
"...but if you're happy with Benji I'll let you go... well I have to let you go, because there's no point in chasing after you only to be hurt more and more... I won't do anything to endanger your relationship with Benjamin and I won't make a move on you or something like this... I'll just be your good friend and get over it, if you let me..."
"Shut up..." It was just a faint whisper from Jaejoong and certainly not enough to stop Yunho from speaking his mind.
"And I will get over it for sure... All I'm asking you to do is not make out with Benjamin when I'm near and don't tell Benjamin that I love you... I'll take it and I know you'll hurt from knowing you hurt me but I think I can't do anything but just let you hurt because I don't have good heart like Junsu. And I'm not as gorgeous as Benjamin. I'm not as funny as Yoochun and I'm not perfect enoguh for you... I understand why you choose Benji... He's a nice guy... I like him. But I love you and I'm sorry for that..."
"I said: SHUT UP!" Jaejoong yelled, stopping Yunho from talking.
He looked at Yunho, who stood in the middle of the room, eyes wide, gazing at him.
"I wanted to say... that I'll say 'No' to Benji because my feelings are not settled. It's too early to think about marriage."
Yunho found himself amazed by the firm tone in Jaejoong's voice although his hands were quivering.

when the sun sets | CH. XVII

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 19:29:14 GMT

when the sun sets | CH. XVI

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 19:19:27 GMT

TITLE: when the sun sets
LENGHT: chaptered | 22 chapters
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: BenJae [Benjamin x Jaejoong], JunHye ? [Junsu x Jihye], JaeHo ? [Jaejoong x Yunho]
GENRE: rooftopfluff, confusion, boysex... pretty much everything xDD
SUMMARY: Yunho and Jaejoong meet on a rooftop and become friends....but but but and and and then? xD [I suck at summaries...-_-]

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 6.5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Now every head in the room was turned to the fighting couple.
"Jaejoong! Please!" Benjamin hissed, glancing around.
But Jaejoong was to angry to care.
"What? Let them listen. I don't care!" he yelled and threw a pillow at the opposite.
Benjamin seemed pretty shocked and... lost...
Noone could deal with an angry Jaejoong.
"But they care... perhaps. Jaejoong, come to your senses...please?"
The raven haired seem to calm down a bit.
"Am I your toy, Benj?" he asked.
His voice sounded like one of a lonely child, quievering and quiet.
Yunho doubted anyone but him and Benjamin had heard what Jaejoong had said.
It was like a hot needle in his guts.
"No..." Benji simply said.
Yunho gulped and pretended to listen to Yoochun, Junsu, Jihye and Changmin (who didn't have aclue what was goin on since he'd just entered the room).
"Then...why can't I believe you?"
Benji shook his head and sighed.
"I don't know..." he said. "I don't know...But do you really think you're the only one suffering from our seperation? You only see one side of the story. Your side... You're always the one to be pitied and I'm always the bad boy..."
"I don't know what you mean..." Jaejoong said, anger evident in his voice.
But he tried to surpress it.
Jihye and Junsu went to get drinks. At least that was what they said...
Yoochun talked to Changmin about people that should be executed.
They agreed on executing the inventor of these foils over the CD-packages, that normal people couldn't get off.
"Ah yeah...sure." Benji spat sarcasticaly.
"You don't know... Perhaps that's because you don't give a damn about my feelings. But OH! The poor Jaejoong. His feelings are oh-so-hurt. We should all pay attention to him. He is allowed to do whatever he wishes to, even if it hurts the people around him. Because he's Jaejoong!"
Benji's voice went louder and louder but then he seemed to calm down a bit.
"You know what I do because I feel bad for leaving you alone here? Yeah you heard right! I actually do... I let you live here. I bring your best friend because I think you're upset. I do everything to please you and what do you do? You keep making me feel guilty and you keep telling me I'm doing it wrong. It doesn't even matter what I do it's wrong!"
Jaejoong fell silent.
Benji stared at him and waited for him to say something.
Yoochun said something totally unrelated to his conversation with Changmin and cocked an eyebrow at Yunho, as if to say: "Did you listen to all of that, too?"
Changmin seemed to think the same.
So everyone had listened to the arguing couple.
That at least explained why they had talked about such a weird topic.
Well...what topic?
"Ahh... whatever...I'm gonna calm myself down a bit..."
And with that Benji left for the kitchen but came back just a few seconds later.
"Yo~ The kitchen is occupied with a kissing couple. So I'm gonna go for a walk."
He took his jacket and left the appartment.
"Seems like Junsu's having fun..." Yoochun remarked with a grin plastered over his face.
That was when Yunho understood what that meant...
The kissing couple was Jihye and Junsu!
His eyes widened.
He was unsure if he should go and hit Junsu or Jihye or both or just let it be.
He decided to let it be as he heard Jaejoong.
"Sorry..."
Yunho wasn't sure who Jaejoong apologized to but he was sure that Jaejoong meant it.
It sounded as if he was on the edge of crying.
"I'm sorry Yoochun..."
Yunho saw a single tear roll down the raven haired's cheek.
He shifted his gaze to Yoochun.
"It's okay Jaejoong. What do you apologize for?"
"For ruining your party..." Jaejoong sobbed. "I'm sorry..."
Yoochun just made a motion with his heads towards Jaejoong.
Yunho wasn't sure if he understood.
He should hug Jaejoong? Right now? Why not Yoochun?
Said just repeated his motion.
Yunho gulped. Then he layed his arms around Jaejoong and 'shh'd like he would've done with a little baby.
The raven haired in his arms stirred but stopped to cry.
Not for long though.
He slid his arms around Yunho's waist and silent tears escaped his tightly shut eyes.
Yoochun came to sit besides Yunho and petted Jaejoong's back.
"Don't cry little boy. I'm not angry at you for ruining my party...besides the party isn't over yet." He chuckled. "At least not for Junsu..."
Jaejoong sniffed as a response.
Yunho's heart thumped like mad.
Jaejoong was so... warm... and what was he even thinking?
The boy in his arms was not a hot-water bottle but a crying individual.
It was Jaejoong!
The boy he was in love with.

Benjamin came back after a hour of walking around.
By that time only Changmin, Yoochun, Junsu, Yunho and Jaejoong were awake, playing a race-game on the playstation.
Yoochun always kicked their butts in the game.
Jihye slept on the couch.
The five of them had laughed a lot.
Junsu seemed to be even more idiotic around Yoochun and that fact had brought some funny situations.
Noone played the game under the rules.
Junsu and Changmin grabbed Yoochuns controller every five seconds and tickled him.
But Yoochun won anyways.
Yunho was a little frustrated since his car was always the first to crash into a wall.
Junsu usually followed soon after.
Changmin and Jaejoong were always on Yoochun's heels but they never stood a chance when it came to the curvy parts.
In the one hour of Benji's disappearence Yunho'd had a talk with Junsu (that meant: Junsu talked, he listened) and had come to the conclusion that he could watch over the couple a bit but not interfrere unless it was needed.
Junsu was a good guy and he'd other problems that needed to be solved.
Namely his love? crush? whatever... on Jaejoong.
With the five of them he almost felt complete.
It was just like it had been like this forever and forever would.
Maybe he interpreted too much into everything but this, the five of them, was a dream-team.
Like he could sense there would be more of those fivesome situations filled with laughter and fun.
His car crashed into the wall. Maybe he could win if he didn't think about too much anymore.
Yoochun cheered as he won another race only to be attacked by four pairs of fists.
They started another race.
This time Yunho didn't crash into a wall but followed on Yoochun's heels.
Benji came back. Hanging his jacket and walking into the living room.
Yunho's car immideatly crashed into a wall.
Man, this guy was able to screw everything!
As if Benji actually had an influence on his race-game playing.
Jaejoong greeted Benjamin with a nervous smile on his lips.
Junsu began to bicker around.
"You cheat! I'm absolutly sure of it." he said shooting Yoochun an accusing look.
"I don't! I win just because all of you suck at playing this game!"
"As if! We're not that bad!"
"Yes, you are!"
"No, we're not!"
"Yes, you are!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"Stop it!" Yunho said.
This, Yoochund and Junsu bickering, had happened to often in the past hour and he'd already become sick of it.
"Aye Aye, Sir!" Junsu said and saluted, big grin plastered over his face.
Yunho smiled. Junsu was just a dork.
Why did he even look over his sister? Junsu was not a danger!
He truned his attention to Jaejoong who stood up and followed Benjamin into the bed-room to talk.
Yoochun started another race. To get their attention on other things, Yunho supposed.
They did play the game but it was not like before.
They all just stared at the screen and raced.
Yunho's thoughts soon wandered of.
His car crashed into a wall.
The air, the silence (only broken by the race-cars on the screen), Yoochun winning again.
All that seemed to be ominous and Yunho couldn't get that thought out of his mind.
That thought...

when the sun sets | XV

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 12:45:38 GMT

TITLE: when the sun sets
LENGHT: chaptered | 22 chapters
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: BenJae [Benjamin x Jaejoong], JunHye ? [Junsu x Jihye], JaeHo ? [Jaejoong x Yunho]
GENRE: rooftopfluff, confusion, boysex... pretty much everything xDD
SUMMARY: Yunho and Jaejoong meet on a rooftop and become friends....but but but and and and then? xD [I suck at summaries...-_-]

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 6.5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Yunho had agreed on bringing his sister with him but his mother stayed at home.
"Do I look good?" She asked, worry evident in her voice.
Yunho stopped his move and took a look at her.
Jihye wore a black dress, showing off some of her vanilla-colored skin. Her hair was a little curly and her lips mildred.
She looked like the reincarnation of an angel.
"You look like an angel, Jihye..." Yunho said and pressed the bell button.
He was nervous and a just as nervous sister by his side didn't help him to calm down.
"Really?" Yunho rolled his eyes. "REALLY!"
The door opened and Yunho was greeted by a smiling Benjamin.
"Oh~ You're a little late..."
"Just because she couldn't decide what to wear..." Yunho let out a sigh and walked in.
"Oh... I know what that's like... Joongie is like a girl when it comes to clothes...."
Did this guy make him even more nervous by mentioning Jaejoong?
And...
Why did he have to look so good?
Benjamin's eyes practially glowed through his messy black hair. He was clad in low riding black pants and a partly unbuttoned black shirt.
Yunho with his shabby brown pools as eyes and the just as shabby jeans felt he was no competition.
"Jaejoong's busy getting Yoochun off of him..." Benjamin said, smile never leaving his lips.
After Jihye'd intodruced herself to Benjamin she went to look for Junsu.
Yunho was left alone with the guy who's boyfriend he'd slept with.
"You wanna have a drink with me?" Benjamin asked. "I think Jaejoong will be occupied till... the earth crashes into the sun..." He sighed.
Yunho let out a chuckle and smiled at the blue-eyed.
"Is it that bad?" he asked. "And I'd like to have a drink with you..."
They motioned to a desk, on which there stood some drinks.
In this room, music and laughter could be heard.
"Yes it is! Yoochun literally hangs on his leg and...I guess I'm just not okay with them being so close..." The models hand found its way into his hair as he released a shaky breath. "You know, they cuddle and even... kiss... You know the things I'm supposed to do... Yoochund doesn't even give me a chance..."
He shook his head as if to erase the thoughts on his mind. "Alcohol or not?"
"Alcohol would be okay... I think...the cuddling and so on is due to their withdrawal of each other's presence..."
Benjamin poured a bright-red liquid into the glass and gave it to Yunho.
"I hope it's like you say... I think I've never been this jealous in my whole life."
He laughed. Yunho gave out a weak smile.
If Benjamin knew... he'd be so screwed.
"Ah well... Let's not talk about my jealousy and stuff... It's not a cool topic, ne?"
Yunho nodded and smiled.
"I'm the wrong person to talk to about these things..." he said.
"Really? Have you never been jealous about... something?"
Benjamin leaned back and Yunho felt as if these blue eyes pierced through him.
As if these eyes could look right into his soul and see his thoughts.
He gulped.
"Ehm...well... of course I've been jealous before but... not that strong jealousy... I think..."
Benjamin nodded. "Hmm..."

Benjamin and Yunho talked about this and that until Jaejoong was finally released from Yoochun.
"Are you two talking about me?" He asked as he walked in.
Yunho's jaw hit the ground. How could anyone look this good in black pants and a white shirt?
What was with this hair... wet look?
Yunho felt his eyes glued to the raven haired.
"Yup~ We just said that you're totally awful to look at..." Benjamin said. "Right, Yunho?"
Yunho nodded. "Yup..."
"Hmpf..." Jaejoong pouted and became big eyes. "Really?"
"No!" both Yunho and Benjamin shot at the same time.
Yunho looked at Benji. Benji looked at Yunho.
They snorted and laughed until Yunho's stomach hurt and Benji cried out of laughter.
Jaejoong just looked at them as if they were some weird creatures speaking a language he didn't understand.
"How much did you two drink?" he asked and placed a hand on Benjamin's forehead.
"Not much..." Yunhom answered, still giggling.
"You know..." Jaejoong shot a glance at Yunho. "It's not even funny and you two... laugh your pretty ass... butts off over it..."
"I don't know what's so funny about it, too..." Benji said, giggling. "...but laughing is good so I don't ask..."
Jaejoong shrugged. "Hmm.. yeah... anyways..."
He maneuvered a young man into the room, which was a kitchen, as Yunho'd figured out.
"...may I intodruce Yoochun to you?"
The korean standing next to Jaejoong lifted his hand as a greeting and grinned.
A pretty wide grin.
From one cheek to the other. Yunho found himself grin with the guy.
Yoochun was a handsome person. His eyes had a pretty shape and his mouth was... a mouth made for laughing.
All in all he had a joyful aura.
"I'm Yunho." Yunho said.
"Ahhh... You're Yunho..." That sounded as if he already knew about Yunho.
Had Jaejoong told him? Something? Anything? Everything?
"Umm... Yes..."
Jaejoong quickly took two glasses and handed Yoochun one of them.
Yoochun wiggled his eyebrows at Yunho in an unseen moment.
Yunho felt like dying.
"So... Wanna join our conversation about all kinds of things in the living room? but maan that Junsu can talk..." Yoochun let out an exaggerated sigh.
Benji shrugged. Yunho nodded.

"He is!"
"He's not!"
"He is!!"
"He isn't!!!"
"HE IS!!"
"NOOOOO!!!"
Yunho covered his ears with his palms and watched Junsu and Yoochun yell at each other.
He'd long forgotten which topic the two were arguing about.
And it seemed neither Yoochun nor Junsu had an idea about it.
Jaejoong laughed in Benjamin's arms, his mouth in the crook of the blue-eyed's neck.
Yunho couldn't laugh.
He shot green-eyed looks at the couple.
Why did it have to be like this?
Why did always someone else get the person he wanted?
It had been like this with Nari and now it was the same with Jaejoong?
Was he not good enough?
Not handsome enough?
Not intelligent enough?
What was wrong with him? Was there even anything wrong with him?
Or was it supposed to be this way?
Deep in thoughts, he sunk back into the pillows of the couch.
Thinking back, there had never been a person that belonged to only him.
Every single one of his past lovers had left him for another man.
That fact had been the cause of his low self-esteem and his insecureties.
His disabilty to trust people fully.
He felt Jaejoong shift towards him.
"What the hell? Who's the one always waiting for you? I wait and wait and wait and wait and when you come back it's just for a few days until you fly away again... And YES I miss you DAMNIT! You probably can't understand that..."
Yunho looked at the now fighting couple.
When exactly did that happen?
"Ahhh~ So you think I do that because I don't love you? Is it that what you think? It's my WORK, you know... It's important!"
Jaejoong's lip began to quiver, as he surpressed his anger.
"So I'm not as important? I'm just the clueless asian boy, you can do whatever you want with? I'm sick of you, using me when you need me and then tossing me away like I'm just a... a... I don't know!"
Yunho gaped at the two.
Junsu and Yoochun didn't seem to notice what was going on.
What was going on anways?

when the sun sets | CH. XIV

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 12:37:10 GMT

TITLE: when the sun sets
LENGHT: chaptered | 22 chapters
AUTHOR: Mäddy [moi cookiedealer former the_brainfuck]
PAIRINGS: BenJae [Benjamin x Jaejoong], JunHye ? [Junsu x Jihye], JaeHo ? [Jaejoong x Yunho]
GENRE: rooftopfluff, confusion, boysex... pretty much everything xDD
SUMMARY: Yunho and Jaejoong meet on a rooftop and become friends....but but but and and and then? xD [I suck at summaries...-_-]

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 6.5 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

"...and, you know, they should've added some action in it. Maybe then I would watch this movie again. Don't you think?"
"Uhn..." Yunho nodded.
"And the main character was just plain annoying. I mean all she did in the whole movie was cry and scream... What's up with horror-films these days? What's up with all those blonde, brainless b**** with their mini-skirts in them?? "
Junsu released a tortured sigh.
"Are you even listening?"
"Uhn..." Yunho nodded.
"So you're not... That's not a surprise... You know I'm getting used to it... Noone listening to me and stuff..."
Yunho snapped out of his thoughts and shot Junsu an apologetic look.
"Sorry, Su~ I was just thinking..." He decided to listen to the blabbermouth for once.
After all, Junsu had been the only one who'd been willing to deal with Yunho in his weird mood.
"...'bout Jaejoong?"
Yunho almost chocked on his own breath, eyes widening.
"So you were..." Junsu concluded, tracing his fingers over the drinking straw in his hand.
This boy was not as dumb as Yunho'd thought.
"Man what's up with everyone worrying 'bout Jaejoong these days?"
The young korean took a sip from his drinking straw and furrowed his brows.
"Huh? Worrying about Jaejoong? Who?" Curiousity was clearly visible in Yunho's eyes.
Who was worrying about Jaejoong and how did Junsu know that?
"You... Benjamin... Changmin.... A long ongoing list..." Junsu said, tapping the top of his drinking straw against his bottomlip.
"Really?"
"Really! Yunho... I talked to Changmin and he said he's worried about Jaejoong, because it seems he became pale and and lost some weight." Yunho just stared at him.
He'd almost forgotten, that the blabbermouth had spent a day with the young dancer.
Junsu continued: "Changmin said that this is an almost ultra-super-duper-certain indication, that Jaejoong is stressed or frustrated. If not stressed and frustrated."
Yunho doubted that Changmin had said it that way. ultra-super-duper-certain?
"And Benjamin even brought Jaejoong's childhoodfriend here, because he wants him to feel better. Or perhaps he just wants to treat Jaejoong..."
"Childhoodfriend? Benjamin? Why..." Junsu placed a hand over Yunho's mouth and 'shhh'ed.
"Hush, Yunho-honey~ Just listen...Will you?"
The older korean nodded and decided to ignore the Yunho-honey.
"I met Benji as I was in the nightlife of Seoul...You know me... I just jumped at him and..."
"Can you come to the point, please?"
Yunho really wanted to know what was going on.
"Well I noticed a young men by his side and of course asked him to intodruce me... He said that this guy was a childhoodfriend of Jaejoong from America. I forgot his name... Yoochun I think... Yes Yoochun it was..."
He didn't know a guy named Yoochun. Jaejoong had never mentioned him.
"I..." Yunho didn't really know what to say.
It bothered him, that Junsu knew more about Jaejoong than he did but he knew this was selfish.
He shut his mouth and lowered his gaze to stare at the paper cup in front of him.
"He's a mystic man, our Jaejoong... You keep finding out things about him you didn't expect..." Junsu said with a smile.
Yunho just nodded. Why did he have to fall in love with such a person?
Jaejoong seemed to be the essence of chaos.

After they'd left the cinema they decided to go for a walk but since it was late and cold they canceled this plan and just headed to Yunho's home for a tea.
They ended up drinking at least four cups of tea each.
After the second cup Jihye joined them and blabbered with Junsu about dogs, cats, fishes, citys, small towns, trees, movies of all genre, music of all genre and public transportation.
All of that in 15 minutes max.
Yunho sighed and watched them laughing and ...flirting.
If he hadn't been in such a state of mind and if the guy flirting with his sister had not been Junsu he would've probably murdered him by the first time he'd glanced at her.
But it was Junsu so he could let some of his guard down and just watch.
His sister seemed pretty happy around Junsu.
After all the nerve-wrecking blabbermouth was quite pretty and cute.
And she didn't talk less herself.
Yunho wondered if they even listened to each other.
Well... A fact was that the two of him ignored him completly, caught up in their own world.
And it began to get on his nerves.
"Hey~ Su!" He called out, trying to get the young korean's attention.
Both pair of eyes turned to him immideatly.
"What's up, Yunho?" Junsu asked.
Yeah... what was up...
"Um... Take a look at the clock, Su... It's late. I think my mother will kick you out soon..."
"Oh..." was the only answer he got from Junsu.
Why did he even want Junsu to go home? He knew it was not a nice turn but everytime he looked at Junsu and Jihye he wished he could be like this with Jaejoong.
It was not fair to seperate them, just to feel better himself.
But although he knew all that, he still stood up and waited forJunsu to follow.
Junsu didn't.
He leaned forward and gave Jihye a quick peck on her lips.
Then he stood up and rushed out of the room, shouting a "Bye!" over his back.
Jihye stared at her brother with wide eyes, Yunho mirrored her.
"Oh...my...GOD..." She breathed and brought her hand up to her lips.

So she liked him. So he liked her. And everything was going fine.
Great!
Why could Yunho not be happy for them?
His cellphone rang.
Distraction was very welcome so he rushed over to the cell and answered it.
"Yes?"
"Yunho?" The low voice of a certain someone made Yunho's heart jump.
Yupp... The someone, he'd been thinking about the whole day... and night...
"Yupp~ What's up Jaejoong?" He tried to give his voice a normal tone.
"I wanted to say that I'm planning a welcome-back-party for Yoochun... OH! You don't know Yoochun. He's an old friend of mine. Like childhood-friend. Benji invited him here but without my knowing, that bastard, and now... Yeah..."
Jaejoong giggled.
"Ah..." Yunho said before another wave of Jaejoong's fast talking washed over him.
"I'm gonna invite all the people, you know? You can bring your sister... Your mother even! I don't care! I just want it to be a really goood party." He laughed. "I'm so happy right now!"
"I figured that out..." Yunho tried to laugh but it didn't feel real to him.
"Jooooooooooongie!!!! Come over here so I can beat the crap out of you in the next race!!" Yunho heard a unfammiliar voice call.
Yoochun... he presumed.
"Okay... gotta hang up now. But you're gonna come, yes?"
"Well that depends..." Yunho answered but was cut of by Jaejoongs whining.
"Come on, Yunho~ If you don't come I won't have fun... You're gonna come? yes? yes? YES?"
Yunho released a chuckle.
"Okay..." He said with a big smile on his lips.
"YAY!" Jaejoong cheered.
So Jaejoong really wanted him to be there.
"Bye, Yunho!" The tone in Jaejoong's voice made Yunho's smile grow even wider.
"Bye, Jaejoong!" He imitated the joyous voice.
"Asshole..." with a chuckle Jaejoong hung up.
Yunho sighed. The smile didn't disappear from his face.
Jaejoong actually cared if he was around.
A really good feeling.